A Place For Me
by Spin11
Summary: Where does he truly stand in Matsumoto's life? Hitsugaya ponders on his relationship with his fukutaicho.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach…..sigh so sad…

A/N: This is my first Bleach story. I just fell in love with Hitsugaya and Matsumoto. They are just too cute. Any way thought I'd dip into my creative side since there is so little HitsuMatsu luv out there. Hope you enjoy!

Summary: Hitsugaya ponders on his place with Matsumoto.

His disposition grew somber as he stared down at his fukutaicho, sprawled unconscious atop the leather couch. One arm slung over her eyes while the other lay haphazardly over the edge with fingers loosely holding onto the neck of an empty sake bottle. With a frustrating sigh Hitsugaya quietly walked over to the couch. He took off his white haori and draped it over Matsumoto's prone figure. As he bent to retrieve the empty bottle from her hand he faintly heard Matsumoto mumble in her sleep. Hitsugaya stiffened as he deciphered her slumberous words.

"_Gin…"_

Regardless that the traitorous bastard was killed so many years ago he still lived on in the hearts and minds of so many people, and one in particular. Matsumoto stirred in her sleep tossing her hand over the arm of the couch. Hitsugaya leaned forward to brush aside a loose strand of strawberry locks from her face, lightly tracing her smooth cheek as he placed it behind her ear. A contented purr escaped Matsumoto's lips and Hitsugaya had to resist the urge to run his fingers along her angelic face. Pursing his lips together Hitsugaya stood up and walked over to his desk to place the empty sake bottle on top.

Hitsugaya sat in his chair absently watching pale fingers of moonlight stretching across the floor, providing the only light into the darkened office. His mind grew reminiscent in the gloomy atmosphere, recalling a battle that had scared all of Seiretie and those involved. It was a war between the seekers of power and the defenders of peace. It was grueling and bloody. The very type of fight squad eleven and their Taicho reveled in. Many lives were lost on all sides. It had been on a night, similar to this very one, where the three conspirators met their end.

Tousen Kaname, former Taicho of squad nine met his demise by the hands of his former fukutaicho, Hisagi Shuuhei. A truly befitting end.

Aizen's death came from the striking blow from none other than Seiretie's own representative Shinigami, Kurusaki Ichigo.

Lastly, Ichimaru Gin, found his body impaled upon by Hyourinmaru. It was a fight Hitsugaya will never forget for as long as he lived.

_His heart pounded against his chest as he pumped his short legs to go faster, desperate to reach the field where he could see her fighting for her life against an old friend. He could hear Haineko growl in the distance. As lazy as Matsumoto was towards paperwork she was the complete opposite when it came to fighting. She would give everything she had to win, to survive. Unfortunately in this battle her strength just wasn't enough, especially when it was a fight against someone who they shared a past with. _

_Ichimaru Gin was ruthless when came to battle. He too would give everything and does just about anything to win. Yet, as Hitsugaya observed, Ichimaru was holding back while fighting Matsumoto. Suppose a part of him regrets that such a situation had to come in between their friendship._

"_Oh, Ran-chan how I will miss you," Gin spoke as he raised his Zanpaktou over his head, ready to deliver the final blow. Matsumoto's prone body lay in the blood covered ground, her Zanpaktou far from her reach. She did not beg for mercy but just simply stared sadly into her former friend's eyes. For that one moment pain flashed in them. _

"_Gin," Matsumoto whispered._

_Hitsugaya roared his Zanpaktou into life managing to save Matsumoto just in time. _

"_Taicho!"_

_No words were said between the two men as they fought against each other. _

_In the distance the battle was slowly waning. Soon all that was left was the fight between Hitsugaya Toushirou and Ichimaru Gin, two very important men in Matsumoto's life. Wounds were inflicted, blood flowed, at neither showed any signs of quitting. To them this was more than just a battle for Seiretie, or the living world. This was a fight for the love of a woman. _

_Pillars of ice rose from the ground, blocking everyone's view of the battle. The sounds of metal clashing and the angry screams were the only noise in the air. Then finally all became silent. Matsumoto, who was being held up by Nanao, stood in fear. _

"_Yare, Yare, why fight Toushirou. She will never love you. It is I who holds her heart. Ichimaru Gin." He pointed his Zanpaktou and roared, "Ikorose!"_

"_That is a thing of the past, I will be her future!" Hitsugaya spat back. "Daiguren Hyourinmaru!"_

"_What's happening?"_

_Just as the words left her lips, the pillars of ice burst into dust like particles, leaving a cloudy sheer of white. Matsumoto narrowed eyes on the two silhouetted figures grew wide. They were less than a few feet apart but the tell tale sign of Gin's Zanpaktou, Shinsou was evident. The elongated Zanpaktou stretched across the distance, piercing through Hitsugaya's body its tip sticking out just a few inches. _

"_TAICHO!" _

_Matsumoto disengaged from Nanao's arms and ran painfully across the field. Her fear grew the closer she got. Matsumoto came to a halt as the misty cloud lifted. It was clear that Gin wasn't the only one who had delivered a deadly blow. The icy fangs of Hyourinmaru bit deeply into Ichimaru's body. _

_Gin looked at Matsumoto one last time, the ever present grin still plastered on his face. "Looks like tis good-bye, Ran-Chan." With that Gin's body grew limp in Hyourinmaru's mouth, his Zanpaktou reverting back to its original state. Tears ran down Matsumoto's face as she looked upon Ichimaru's dead body. _

"_Mat..su..mo..to…" Toushirou's strained voice pulled her back from her trance like state. She rushed over to him, catching him before he fell to the ground. _

"_Taicho!"_

_Matsumoto cradled his body, his head nestled against her large bosom. She placed her hand on his chest over the wound, applying pressure to staunch the blood. 'There's so much blood,' Matsumoto thought as she held him in her arms. Tears fell from her eyes landing on Hitsugaya's face. He opened his heavy lidded eyes and with as much strength he had left, Toushirou lifted his hand to her face. _

_The tips of his fingers were cold as he traced Matsumoto's face. Running his thumb across her lips he finally spoke, "Rangikuuu…" his voice was faint and a small smile crossed his lips. Matsumoto couldn't help but smile as he said her name. It soon disappeared as the lights of his sea green eyes faded and his hand fell limp against the ground. _

"_TAICHO! TAICHO!" Matsumoto screamed, "NOOoo!"_

_She laid her forehead against his fresh tears pouring from her face, "Please Toushirou don't leave me too."_

_It had been chaotic but Unohana Taicho had arrived just in time, sweeping away Hitsugaya in Minatsuki's belly, her Zanpaktou._

The sound of rain pelting against the window pane pulled Hitsugaya from his roving thoughts. Absently he reached up to rub against the three inch scar on his chest. Shaking his head, had Ichimaru aimed just a few centimeters to the left towards his heart, Hitsugaya would have died along with him on that field.

'Damn that man,' he thought as he ran a frustrated hand through his spiked hair.


	2. Chapter 2

He sat stiffly in his chair contemplating over the events that ensued soon after the thick wartime bleakness begun to clear. The dead were buried and honored. Wounds were healed, and life in the Seiretie had gone back to normal, or at least as close to it as possible. Yet, normalcy wasn't quickly attained by everyone in Soul Society. Hitsugaya began to rub the sides of his temple hoping to thwart off the impending headache. His relationship between his fukutaicho had been strained since that night. If he had voiced his concerns to anyone about his situation they would have simply pushed it aside, that it was just his imagination. But what did they know. Perhaps in their eyes her behavior, though slightly dampen from the war, were still the same. She continued to be the humorous vixen that loved sake. However, behind closed doors she was different especially towards her Taicho.

It was subtle changes that Hitsugaya noticed. She know longer gave him those suffocating hugs or that sing song way she would say 'Taiiichoo'. Her teasing nature had also stopped, at least with him around. Of course the most noticeable change was the fact she was doing paperwork. Not as much as him but still the fact that his fukutaicho, one who was well known to think up the most excusable ways out of work, was voluntarily doing it. Yet what hurt him the most was how she would go out of her way from making any physical contact with him. Hitsugaya figured to give Matsumoto some time, to mourn, to recover. But as time wore on and their relationship still remained indifferent he was sure that Matsumoto was purposely avoiding him. As to reasons why? Hitsugaya had a few ideas.

Whimpered cries coming from the couch pulled Hitsugaya from his thoughts. Matsumoto was becoming restless in her sleep. 'Perhaps she's dreaming,' he thought as he got up from his chair. Making his way over he picked up his haori that had been tossed onto the floor and knelt besides Matsumoto. Reaching forward he gently stroke her cheek and quietly called out her name, "Rangiku."

Her restlessness ebbed but the frown still marred Matsumoto's face. What could she dreaming about?

_This place, it was familiar yet she couldn't quite remember, then suddenly a shadowy silhouette appeared to her right. Her eyes grew wide as she recognized the figure as it slowly made his way towards her. _

_Shaking her head Matsumoto couldn't believe her eyes. _

"_Ran-chan…." There was no mistaking that fox like smirk._

"_Gin?"_

_They stood there neither one saying a word. It felt like eternity had passed before Gin moved. It had been so quick that before Matsumoto realize what was happening Gin's lips were already on hers. Her heart drummed against her chest and it didn't take Matsumoto long before she threw her arms up and wrapping them around his neck, pulling him closer. Matsumoto pulled back enough to look at Gin's face. "I must be dreaming," she said. Gin's smile grew wider, "I ain't neva lettn' you go, Ran-Chan."_

_He pulled her back for another kiss but Matsumoto paused. "Did you hear that?"_

"_Rangiku…" her name was faint but the voice could only belong to one person. _

"_Taicho?" Suddenly being Gin's arms didn't feel right. She began to pull away. _

"_Ran-chan….didn' you hear me?"_

_That is when it hit her, the reason why this place looked so familiar. This was the field where they had fought, the place where Gin had died. Matsumoto struggled against his grip. "This isn't right, Gin. You're dead."_

"_I told ya, Ran-chan." Gin tightening his hold around her waist, "Neva lettin' go."_

"_I don't belong here." _

"_Rangiku…"_

"_Taicho…please Gin." Matsumoto pushed against his chest but to no avail Gin wouldn't let go._

Matsumoto slowly opened her heavy lidded eyes. Her mind was till a bit fuzzy from all that sake and her vision blurry from sleep. She could barely make out the figure before her. Matsumoto absently leaned into the warmth of Hitsugaya's touch. Lifting her arm she reached forward to trace his face, to brush her fingertips across his lips, to thread her fingers into his hair, fisting the snowy locks so she can pull him closer. The logical part of Hitsugaya knew that, still half asleep, Matsumoto was not fully aware of what she was doing. Yet, the other part of him, the one that has been missing her, the one where he longs to be with her, gave in.

He could smell the alcohol on her breath as she drew him closer but what he tasted as their lips finally met was far sweeter than sake. The kiss was chaste and too short of Hitsugaya's liking. Pulling back he stared into her sea blue eyes still drowsy from sleep, a small smile gracing both their faces.

"Rangiku," Hitsugaya whispered, his fingers tracing her lips.

"Gin," Whispering back just before falling back to sleep.

Hitsugaya's entire body stiffened as the accursed name passed her lips. His whole body grew heavy as his shoulders slumped forward. Matsumoto groan in discomfort from the unexpected change in the room's chilly temperature. Taking his haori he draped it over her body and quickly left the room, not once bothering to look back. The door closed with a soft click.

Matsumoto buried herself into the makeshift blanket, inhaling Hitsugaya's scent that still lingered on his haori.

"Toshiro," she muttered achingly, no longer feeling his presence in the room.

He stood in the empty hallway. His head throbbed in pain along with his heart.

"_It is I who hold her heart…'_

Hitsugaya didn't want to believe in Gin's words. But how much longer can he deny himself? Matsumoto and Ichimaru had a history with each other, a strong standing relationship long before Hitsugaya came into the picture. As much as he hated to admit it, Gin was the first to be there for Matsumoto. To be the one to share her first kiss, to be her first love, and more. Hitsugaya scowled at the very thought of them intimately together. The crackling sound of ice forming on the floor and frost covering the windows echoed in the hallway. Perhaps he was fooling himself. What sort of chance does he have with his fukutaicho when her heart belonged to a dead man?


	3. Chapter 3

Soon after leaving the office Hitsugaya made his way to the rooftops of the 10th division oblivious to the pelting rain or the cold chill of the night air.

Disappointed

Angry

Heartbroken

He didn't know how to feel after the incident in the office. He rubbed at his eyes trying to erase the picture of her sprawled on the couch. He inhaled the cold night air only to have it replaced by her sweet scent. His fingers itched to feel the silk like smoothness of her skin. And he craved to taste her lips. She surrounded his entire being, suffocating him to a point where his only hope for survival is to be with her. "Damn it!" Shaking his head, never has he felt so trapped by someone before.

His clouded eyes stared out beyond the expanse of the Seiretie and into the darkened horizon. He needed to be free of her and that is when he made the decision to run. He pumped his legs faster, faster until he was outside the comforts and security of the Seiretie, until his legs and lungs screamed in pain. Yet, it didn't matter how far he traveled he couldn't outrun his thoughts of her. So he stopped running drowning in rain, uncaring, and heartbroken. He slid down a tree unto the muddy ground with his Zanpaktou laying across his lap. 'It's impossible,' he thought as he leaned heavily against the tree panting for air. Hitsugaya could almost hear Gin laughing, mocking him from beyond the grave.

…_She will never love you_

The screams of a Hollow pulled Hitsugaya from his gloomy thoughts. Looking up he noticed that there were more than just one. A small smile graced his lips. "Just what I needed," he spoke aloud as he stood up pulling his Zanpaktou from its sheath, "A little distraction." Any icy surge ran through his body. Hyourinmaru roared within Hitsugaya, it too feeling the desire for release. Fully aware that he was completely surrounded Hitsugaya slowly made it to his feet, his hand tightening on the hilt of his Zanpaktou. His heart started beating faster as adrenaline began to pump through out his body. Teal eyes grew hard and focused as he waited for that first move.

Then it happened.

Directly behind him a hollow roared as it charged towards Hitsugaya. Hyourinmaru sang in delight as it was finally freed from its sheath. The painful screams of the hollow being cut down echoed in the forest reaching the ears of two men racing towards the source. One wearing a pink haori and the other's silver locks plastered to his face.

"Yare, yare," the low timber of 8th division's captain, Shunsiu Kyouraku, rang in the air. "Sounds like the guy is having some fun. Zaraki will be disappointed."

"This isn't funny Kyouraku. Toushirou-kun is obviously troubled by something." Ukitake Juushiro, squad 13th's captain worriedly responded back.

The other man sighed. Never had he known the 10th division's captain to pull a stunt like this. Always so calm, collective, serious, and cold. A complete opposite of himself. Yet, if he had to guess the reasons why Hitsugaya was out on a rainy night willingly fighting hollows, well…"Yare, yare," Shunsiu whispered to himself. They did have one thing in common. They both had female fukutaicho that drove them crazy. At least with Shunsiu drowning in sake was much safer.

They continued to shunpo through the thick forest until Ukitake's harsh coughs forced them to stop. Leaning heavily against the large boulder Ukitake tried to regain his composure. "You should have stayed back my friend." Shunsiu was at his side worriedly gripping his shoulder. "You are in no condition to be out on a night like this."

Ukitake shook his head, waving off Shunsiu's concerns. "I'm fine. Let's just hurry and find Toushirou-kun. Now where could he…" His words were cut off when his eyes gazed up at the large manifestation of Hyourinmaru appearing in the sky.

Shunsiu tipped his hat back to look at iced dragon, "Yare, yare."

"Stupid, stupid, stupid," Hitsugaya continued to curse at himself. He should have known this was going to happen. The rise of spiritual power was sure to attract and act like a beacon for other hollows. This was common knowledge yet he was too engrossed in Matsumoto and trying to distract himself that he lost all logical thoughts. Than again Matsumoto always had that affect on him. "STUPID!" He yelled as he sliced through yet another hollow however the blow left him open.

Before he could react a large claw like hand came swooping upon him, sending him flying across the air and landing hard onto the wet ground having the wind knocked right out of him. Hitsugaya slowly crawled over to a fallen tree. He hoisted himself up, pressing his back against the solid trunk, Zanpaktou at the ready. He looked down at his body. Parts of his clothes were tattered, ripped, and covered in mud. That last attack had slashed across his chest, wounding him. He could feel blood trailing down his right cheek.

Pain

It throbbed throughout his whole body, overwhelming him, surrounding him, and he happily embraced it. In a way it temporarily lets him forget, to pacify the ache in his heart. But even in his dark thoughts he knew that he was up against some difficult odds if this doesn't end soon and quickly. Hitsugaya wiped away the blood that had covered his eyes and assessed the situation. With no other choice Hitsugaya stood straighter and gripped his Zanpaktou in both hands. His body glowed as he raised his spiritual energy and yelled….

"Bankai!"

Startled awake, Matsumoto's body shot up on the couch.

"Toushirou!"

Without having to think Matsumoto bolted from the couch, grabbed Haineko, and ran out of the office in search for her Taicho. "Where are you?" She nervously thought.

It truly was a sight to see the 'Heavenly Guardian' in action. Such synchronization between a Zanpaktou and its wielder was a marvelous vision to witness. Large, ice sculptured wings helped Hitsugaya soar through the night sky and his Zanpaktou glistened in the moonlight. Ukitake and Shunsiu arrived just in time to witness such display. They stood in awe as Hitsugaya did away with the last of the hollows.

"Looks like he's got everything under control," Shunsiu said as he looked up at Hitsugaya still high in the sky.

As he hovered above Hitsugaya could feel the energy he had left slowly ebbing away. His body was growing heavier by the second, and his vision was becoming blurry. Finally he decided to let go as his eyes rolled back in his head. The large wings and tail began to fall apart as chunks of ice crashed down onto the ground.

Ukitake shook his head, "No, something is wrong."

Just as those words left his lips Hitsugaya's body began to free fall. A blur of pink crossed his vision. Ukitake tried to run but his body wouldn't let him. He let out a sigh of relief as Shunsiu arrived in time to catch Hitsugaya's body. "How is he?" Ukitake spoke, a bit breathless as he caught up to them.

Shunsiu gently laid Hitsugaya onto the wet grass. Removing his pink haori he draped it over Hitsugaya's body. Gauging the injuries that were visible Shunsiu said, "He's a bit beaten up a bit but other than that he's alive. I think this fight just took a lot out of him."

"Hm…"

Ukitake once again sighed in relief. He looked up into the night sky, grateful that the rain had finally stopped. Taking a deep breath Ukitake spoke up, "Well come on lets get him back and under Unohana taicho's care."

"Hai"

After attending to some of the minor wounds, Shunsiu hoisted Hitsugaya's body into his arms. Then both men shunpoed back to the Seiretie.

Matsumoto faltered in her steps when she no longer felt Hyourinmaru's presence. "Taicho…." She grew nervous when she couldn't feel his spiritual energy either. What is going on? Where is he? Tears began to well in her eyes. Matsumoto didn't know what to do next and for the first time since that horrible night she felt lost. "I have to find him." Steeling herself Matsumoto clenched her fists and was about to run when a hand grabbed her arm.

"Nanao?"

"I'm glad I found you, Matsumoto."

"I can't talk right now, Nanao. I need to find Hitsugaya taicho." Matsumoto made to leave but Nanao wouldn't let her go.

"That's what I wanted to tell you."

"What?"

"Hitsugaya taicho has left the Seiretie."

"What!" Matsumoto's mind was reeling. Why did he leave?

"He had gone to the southern region of Rugonkai."

"Southern region? That place is," Matsumoto's eyes grew wide. It was common knowledge that particular region was hollow infested. "Nanao… why?"

Nanao shook her head, "I don't know."

"I need to go."

"Wait!" This time Nanao grabbed both Matsumoto's arms. "My taicho and Ukitake taicho are already returning with him."

Matsumoto stared into the woman's eyes, "What's happened, Nanao?"

Taking a deep breath Nanao began to explain. "Hitsugaya has sustained some injuries and is unconscious."

Matsumoto's body began to tremble in fear. She couldn't take it any longer. Both women rushed to the 4th division. Upon arrival Unohana taicho and her fukutaicho was already outside, waiting for the men to return. Unohana walked over to place a comforting hand on Matsumoto's shoulder, "He'll be fine, Rangiku-chan." Unable to clear the lump in her throat, Matsumoto just nodded her head.

"Taicho they're here," Isane, Unohana's fukutaicho, informed.

For a moment Matsumoto stood frozen upon seeing Hitsugaya's body in Shunsiu's arms. He looked so vulnerable and fragile. From what she could see, his face was covered in blood.

"Toushirou…" she whispered.

"Quickly Shunsiu taicho bring him here."

Pulling away from her trance Matsumoto rushed to his side, "Taicho!"

But Unohana stopped her from going any further, "I'm sorry Rangiku-chan but we need to get him inside. You cannot go any further."

"But I'm **his** fukutaicho.** I **need to be there with him."

Unohana stood her ground, shaking her head. "What he needs is medical attention. Please Matsumoto fukutaicho let me do my job. You will be able to see him later." Looking at Ukitake and Shunsiu, "Will you two please look after?"

"Of course"

All Matsumoto could do was watch as they disappeared inside the 4th division. Turning around sharply she eyed the two men, "What happened?"


	4. Chapter 4

_Even in dreams he's tormented. _

_Hitsugaya had no idea where he was. He stood alone in a place void of anything. Total bleakness and foreboding hung in the atmosphere around him. Suddenly he was overwhelmed by this incredible spiritual pressure. He tried to reach for his Zanpaktou but the pressure was too great he could hardly move. Toushirou's eyes grew wide as Gin materialized out of nowhere with Shinsou already unsheathed and aimed to strike. The ever present smirk still plastered on the dead man's face. _

"_Let's make sure," a female voice unexpectedly echoed in the air. Hitsugaya visibly paled when he realized who it was. He watched as Matsumoto appeared behind Gin, her body pressed intimately against his back. She wrapped an arm around Gin's waist while the other guided his weapon over Toushirou's chest. "That you don't miss this time, Gin."_

"NO!" Hitsugaya awoke with a start, jolting upright in bed as he placed his hand over his chest. He winced as a searing pain ruptured from beneath his hand.

"AH!" Hanataro Yamada, 7th seat of the 4th division, screamed in fright and tried to duck for cover under the bed.

Hitsugaya blinked away the haziness, trying to decipher what was going on after hearing someone screaming. He looked over the edge of the bed only to see the young medic Shinigami clutching at his chest, his face white as a ghost.

He tried to speak, "Hanataro?" but found his throat dry and harsh.

Hanataro, who had managed to get back on his feet, handed Hitsugaya the cup of water that had been sitting on the night stand next to his bed.

Hitsugaya cautiously sipped at the cool liquid, sighing as it ran down his throat. "Thank you," he replied his voice still rather rough. Now that he had quenched his thirst Hitsugaya began to speak wanting some answers to his questions. "Hanataro," he called for the young man's attention but was quickly cut off as Hanataro bowed deeply and began to apologize.

"Pl…please forgive me Hit…Hitsugaya Tai…cho. I did not mean to disturb you."

"There is no need to apologize, Hanataro. But I do wish for some answers."

Hanataro visibly relaxed and nodded his head, "Hai."

"How did I get here?" It was quite clear that he was in the 4th division but the last thing he remembered was fighting off hollows and then nothing. Hanataro frowned he wasn't privy to the details about what had happened to the 10th division taicho. All he had been ordered to do was just simply check on his vitals. Before he could answer a woman's voice echoed in the room.

"Well you can thank both Juushiro and Kyoraku for that."

Hitsugaya turned his head to see Unohana Taicho entering the room.

With a light sigh, Unohana reached Hitsugaya's bed. The warm and gentle aura belied the irritation she held in her eyes as she noticed the bandages around Toushirou's chest began to spot with blood. She politely dismissed Hanataro and waited till he left the room before addressing her patient. "You really should be more careful with my subordinates, Toushirou-kun. I can't have you scaring all of them away."

Embarrassed Hitsugaya lowered his head not wanting to look the woman in the eye. If there were anyone, besides his grandmother, to make him feel like a little kid it was Unohana Taicho. A small smile appeared on her face as she made her way to his side. Carefully she began to undo the bandages and inspect his wound. Hitsugaya lowered his head even more in shame when he noticed Unohana shaking her head in disappointment. "It seems you've managed to rip a few stitches but nothing serious."

Hitsugaya cleared his throat while Unohana began re-stitching his wound. "Could you please tell me what happened, Unohana Taicho."

After reapplying new bandages Unohana sat gently besides him on the bed. "You were brought here by Juushiro and Kyoraku. Unfortunately there isn't much more I could tell you."

Hitsugaya frowned at what little information was given. Perhaps soon after being discharged from Unohana's care it would be best to visit the two responsible for his safe return.

"How long have I been…here?"

"Three days."

Hitsugaya's eyes grew wide. Had be been out for that long?

Unohana reassuringly reached out to squeeze his hand. "Besides the wound on your chest, all other injuries you've sustained were minor. It would seem your outing had taken quite a lot out of you. Your body just needed some time to recover."

Looking up he asked, "Has anyone..."

Unohana shook her head, "I ordered that no one were allowed to visit until you awoke." He nodded his head.

"But now that you are awake I will inform your fukutaicho and that you may now receive visitors."

Hitsugaya knew that his little trip outside of the Seiretie had caused quite a commotion. He also knew a visit to Yamamoto soutaicho was inevitable the moment he was released. He needed all the time he could get. His mind wasn't worried about his meeting with the old man but the apprehension he felt when he finally had to face _her._ "If it is not too much trouble, Unohana taicho I would rather not be disturbed by anyone."

A frown appeared on the woman's face, "Are you sure, Toushirou-kun? There are a few people who have been worried about you, your division, and quite especially your fukutaicho.

"Please Retsu-san," It was rare for the 10th division taicho to be so informal with his peers. That is why Unohana knew that when he called her by her first name that he was personally asking her a favor.

"I would rather not see anyone."

But she had to wonder, "What of Rangiku-chan. She is the one most worried about your welfare." Remembering the many times she had to order the young woman from visiting her taicho.

Just hearing her name brought on a pang of hurt to his heart. He closed his eyes and lay back in bed, "Especially her."

Unohana had noted the look of sadness in his eyes when she had mentioned his fukutaicho. Relenting to his request Unohana finally left the young taicho alone to his thoughts.

"Taicho! I hear that Hitsugaya taicho is finally awake. Shall I go and inform Matsumoto-san of his recovery?"

Unohana stood quietly for a moment regarding what Hitsugaya had asked of her. It was obvious that Hitsugaya had some falling out with Matsumoto but knew it was none of her business to question. Letting out a sigh she answered her fukutaicho.

"Yes please do and Isane," The older woman stared deeply into her fukutaicho's eyes, "Make sure that everyone is aware that Hitsugaya taicho will not be accepting _any _visitors until further notice."

Confused Isane stared at her taicho but Unohana simply shook her head. Isane understood and shunpoed towards the 10th division.

* * *

She callously threw her brush onto her desk unconcerned as it smeared ink onto the report she had been working on for the past hour. Resting her elbows on the desk Matsumoto dropped her head into her hands sighing in frustration. How could she possible concentrate on work when all she could think about was her injured taicho laying unconscious in the 4th division? What was even worse was that her interrogation with both Ukitake taicho and Kyouraku taicho had proven to be useless. They knew just as much as she did which, regrettably, was absolutely nothing. Something pivotal had happened that night she just knew it. Yet all she could manage to recall were hazy images and a sense of uneasiness.

Pulling away from her hands Matsumoto stared across the office towards the empty desk. It felt so odd not to see him there buried under piles of paperwork with sounds of rapid brush strokes filling the silent air. Matsumoto slammed her fist down onto her desk. She felt aggravated, annoyed, and most of all scared out of her mind. She nearly lost him that night and now this. "Damn it Toushirou what were you thinking?" Standing from her desk Matsumoto walked towards the couch where his captain's haori was draped across the back. Picking it up she clutched it tightly in her hands lifting the fabric to inhale his scent. Closing her eyes she remembers how it felt to have him laying limp in her arms. In that moment never had she felt so lost. Now, here in the present, she was reliving that fear.

She opened her eyes and stared out the window, hands now hugging his haori to her chest. Lost in thought Matsumoto did not hear the knock or the clearing of someone's throat.

"Matsumoto-san?"

Isane called out once again to gain Matsumoto's attention but to no avail. Cautiously she reached to place a hand on the woman's shoulder. Matsumoto jumped slightly from the sudden touch and twirled in defense to the intruder. A surprised gasped escaped her lips upon realizing who it was. "Isane…."

The young woman smiled and began to apologize until she noticed Matsumoto had been crying. "Are you alright Matsumoto-san?"

Only now realizing the state she must be in Matsumoto turned around to subtly wipe away any signs of tears and quickly placed his haori back onto the couch. Taking a deep breath to compose herself, she returned her attention to the other woman. "I'm alright."

As if finally registering who it really was Matsumoto began to panic. The fukutaicho of the 4th division was here. It could only mean she had news about Toushirou. Her mind began to reel with scenarios. Did something happen while he was unconscious? Had his injuries been more serious than what they had determined? "Isane!" She grabbed the woman's hands, "What's wrong with Hitsugaya taicho? Please tell me!"

Isane was quite taken by Matsumoto's outburst. Shaking her head she began to reassure that Hitsugaya taicho was alright. "Please Matsumoto calm down. Nothing is wrong I swear. Unohana taicho wanted me to inform you and your division that Hitsugaya taicho awoke earlier this morning and that he's fine.

Matsumoto let out an audible sigh. A bright smile appeared across her face. The first real smile she had in three days. Cheerfully Matsumoto pulled Isane into one of her famous hugs. "Thank you Isane, thank you."

Matsumoto was already half way out the door when Isane grabbed her wrist. "Where are you going Matsumoto-san?" There was still the issue of Hitsugaya's odd request she needed to relay.

Matsumoto frowned at Isane, "Why to see Hitsugaya taicho of course."

"About that, Matsumoto….."

"What is it, Isane?"

"Hitsugaya taicho is not receiving any visitors."

Matsumoto stared incredulously at the woman. "This is a joke, right?"

Isane shook her head.

Matsumoto's cheery disposition quickly faded. "I….I'm _his_ fukutaicho…." She began to say then stopped. There was no use in arguing with Isane about such a stupid order. Instead she shunpoed out of the office and headed towards 4th division. Order or not she was going to see him.

Matsumoto was relived upon arrival that Unohana was nowhere in sight. Immediately she rushed into his room. Her heart was racing as her eyes landed on him sitting up in bed. "Taicho," her breath hitched as she called out to him. Hitsugaya fisted the sheets beneath him. He should have known that no matter what she was going to see him. When he didn't speak she hurried to his side.

He refused to look at her as she sat on the bed next to him. His heart began to pound against his chest. 'Please just leave,' he thought as he sat rigidly in bed.

Matsumoto suppressed the surprised gasp as she noted the large bandages covering most of his chest. She sat there studying his features. He seemed troubled, as if he was fighting some inner battle. Unable to resist any longer and just wanting to feel his warmth under her palm Matsumoto reached out to cup his cheek. Hitsugaya closed his eyes and absently leaned into her touch. They sat in silence until finally she spoke, "Taicho please tell me what happened."

Here question was like a trigger, tripping the memories of that night, of the kiss, and that wretched name escaping her lips. He tried to quell the ache in his heart but it was difficult now that she was actually here. Matsumoto was aware of the sudden chill in the room. Hitsugaya reached up to remove her hand from his face.

"Leave," was all he said.

Matsumoto frowned at his sudden coldness. "I don't understand? Toushirou please talk to me."

He had reached his limit. "You do not have the right to address me so intimately. I am your superior, your taicho. And as your taicho I am ordering you to leave, now!"

"But tai…taicho…" She stood there in complete shock, her body unable to move.

He finally looked up at her and what she saw in those teal eyes were an icy ferocity she had never seen before. "Damn it Matsumoto!" He began to yell even louder, "I said leave!" He pointed to the door but in doing so pulled at the stitches. His wound throbbed angrily as blood began to seep through the bandages once again. Matsumoto was a loss for words as tears began to fall from her eyes. Hitsugaya cursed at himself for making her cry but at the moment didn't care. The pain was a quick reminder of the reason why he was here.

"What is going on here?" Unohana demanded as she rushed into the room, soon followed by Isane and Hanataro.

Unohana stopped in her track surprised to see Matsumoto in the room. "Rangiku what are…." But upon seeing Toushirou clutching at his chest all questions were forgotten. Unohana hurried to her patient.

"Isane please escort Matsumoto outside. Hanataro I need your assistance."

"Hai!"

Isane guided Matsumoto who was still rather stunned outside of the room.

As they waited, Matsumoto tried to find an answer to Hitsugaya's sudden temper. Sure he had yelled at her for numerous times before and upon numerous occasions. But this…. She couldn't understand. What had she done to attract such ire from him? Before she could dwell on her thoughts the door to the room opened. Matsumoto rushed over to the woman, "Unohana taicho will Hitsugaya taicho be alright?"

After dismissing her subordinates Unohana guided Matsumoto to her office; upon entering she ordered the younger woman to take a seat. "Matsumoto I had been clear that Hitsugaya taicho was not to be disturbed."

Matsumoto lowered her head. The woman sure had a way of making someone feel like shit. "I'm sorry Unohana taicho."

Unohana sighed as she stood before Matsumoto. "I think it is best for both your sakes that you give Hitsugaya taicho some time to recover, hm?"

Matsumoto looked up ruefully and nodded her head.

"Now I know it is none of my business but did the two of you have a fight recently?"

Matsumoto stood up and began pacing the office. "That's the problem. I would greatly amend for whatever I've done wrong but I just I don't know what I did." She threw her hands in the air. "It's not like I haven't made him mad before but…." Matsumoto recalled how cold he looked at her. "I don't know what's gotten into him." Her lips began to tremble as fresh tears began to run down her face.

"Ran-chan," Unohana motioned for her to sit down. As she wiped away the tears she spoke, "Please do not be upset when I tell you this."

Matsumoto nodded her head.

"Since that night Gin died I've noticed a change in your relationship between you and Toushirou-kun."

Matsumoto pursed her lips. True, her relationship with her taicho had been different since that night. At first she had needed time to mourn over Gin's death. As time wore on she continued to keep her distance when she began to realize how much more important her little taicho was becoming. She was feeling conflicted between her love for Gin and these new feelings she was developing for Toushirou. Matsumoto was so confused she began to do work. Actually work!

"I don't know what to do, Unohana taicho."

Sympathetically Unohana patted the woman's hand, "Go home and give each other some space. In the mean time try to see if you can remember what happened that night, hm?"

Matsumoto nodded her head and left.

Unohana sighed for the umpteenth time that day, "Ah, love can be so confusing."


	5. Chapter 5

Hitsugaya found himself atop the roof of his division. He sat there shoulders slumped and a solemn look etched upon his face. Dull, teal eyes stared up into the night sky. The moon, his only companion, was full and bright engulfing Hitsugaya in its silvery glow. He closed his eyes against the moonlight basking in it as if he would in the sun's rays. There was no warmth for his body to bask in and the air became colder as the hour grew late. Yet he remained there unwavering from his spot seeping the chillness of the air. Somewhere in the distance the chime of a clock struck twelve times. He reopened his eyes slightly taken aback that it was so late in the evening. How had he lost track of so much time?

"You know Unohana taicho would have a fit if she found out that her recently released patient is out on such a cold night."

Hitsugaya didn't bother turning around to address the person behind him. The rustle of clothes echoed into the silent night as the person sat besides him. A flash of pink could be seen from the corner of his eye.

"Ah…what a beautiful night isn't it Hitsugaya taicho?"

Silent

"Although, slightly chilly for my taste." Shunsui continued on rather amusingly, "Nothing a little sake wouldn't help with, no?"

More silence

"Or perhaps Hitsugaya taicho prefers to be in the arms of woman's warm embrace?"

Shunsui could see him visibly swallowing the lump in his throat and the taunt setting of his jaw. Plus the sudden drop in temperature was a sure sign. Pulling his pink haori tightly around his body Shunsui continued to goad the young taicho. He didn't like talking to himself. Letting out an audible sigh he gazed up into the moon. "It would appear that we have something in common, Toushirou."

That got Hitsugaya's attention. He finally turned his head to stare at the man beside him. "How do you figure that, Shunsui taicho?"

A wide grin slowly spreading across his bearded face, "Its strange isn't it? How things can change so suddenly. When _they_ mean so much more…more than what you'd like them to be." Shunsui's smile grew less and less as he spoke, "I envy you, Toushirou."

Hitsugaya's brow rose in surprise, "Why?"

It was rather unnerving as the dark steely eyes of Shunsui bore into his, "You have a chance to be with _her_."

A chance? Hitsugaya scoffed at the thought. Not after what he had done.

"She will forgive you, Toushirou."

It would appear that word had gotten around the Seireitie about what had happened at the 4th division. It had been two weeks since that day. Two weeks since that pivotal point in their relationship where he irrevocably screwed up. Unohana, true to her word, made sure no one disturbed him. He was left alone to ponder and regret over and over. During those thoughts he had wondered if it was possible to freeze one's heart, to become numb to the pain. Unfortunately it didn't work and he was left awake in a relentless daze.

Forgive?

Why would she when he couldn't forgive himself? How could he justify his actions? His words? His feelings? Hitsugaya knew he had been an utter fool. The desolate shade in her eyes would forever be etched into his memory for as long as he lived. He had lost control over his feelings and let his anger coat his behavior. The healing wound on his chest was a constant reminder of that.

In a quiet desperation he wanted to cry, to scream out in agony, to break…. to be numb. Yet he held fast. The last time he lost control he had ended up injured by a hollow and hurting the most important person in his life. Shaking his head he returned his gaze to the moon. Hitsugaya didn't know why he felt compelled to share a private part of his life with this man but the more he thought about it Shunsiu Kyōraku could very well be the only person here who truly understood what he was going through. Albeit that their situations were a bit different. "At least for you Nanao-chan isn't in love with someone else. You know where you stand in her life."

"I wish I could say I do but unfortunately my young friend I don't. My lovely Nanao-chan," he said rather longingly, "always so calm, collective, and cold. Kinda like you, Toushirou."

Hitsugaya pursed his lips as he crossed his arms over his chest, a brow arched in annoyance. Shunsui simply smiled in response, "What I'm trying to say is at least with Ran-chan she showers you with affection. The sing song way she calls you 'taicho' or the suffocating hugs she would give you. Ah….what I wouldn't give for my Nanao-chan to jump me they way Ran-chan does to you." A light blush appeared on Hitsugaya's face as the low timber of Shunsui's laughter filled the air.

Hitsugaya cleared his throat, "What you say maybe true but still… I'll never have her heart. That already belongs to … _him._"

Shunsui sighed once again, "But he's dead, Toushirou."

"Not to her," he whispered. A frown marred his features as images replayed in his mind.

"Tell me," Shunsui demanded noting the painful look on the young taicho's face.

Taking a deep breath he finally voiced what had happened that night. "Matsumoto was asleep on the couch. She was tossing and turning, perhaps from a dream or a nightmare I don't know. I called to her in hopes to wake up her up. Then…."

"What?"

"We kissed," Hitsugaya could still recall how soft her lips felt against his and how intoxicating she tasted. A small smile formed at the corner of his mouth but quickly fell as he continued, "As I pulled away she said Gin's name and fell back asleep."

The finally piece of the puzzle was set in place and the picture was finally clear, "So that's why you…"

"That is why I left the Seireitie, why I so willing put myself in danger, why I ended up getting hurt and in turn hurting her. I was just so angry…" his voice trailed off.

"Yare, yare," Shunsui responded as he scratched his bearded chin, "You, my young friend, brood far too much for your age."

Hitsugaya stood up, "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You're over analyzing the situation." Shunsui also stood and although the young taicho had grown quite much in the years he was still slightly shorter than him. Looking down at Hitsugaya, "You are giving up far too easily."

"She fucking loves **him**! What am I supposed to do?"

"Whether you like it or not Ichimaru Gin will always have a place in Ran-chan's life. However, it doesn't change the fact that he's dead. What do you want to do, Hitsugaya Toushirou?"

Hitsugaya slumped back down onto the floor, burying his head into his hands and growling in frustration.

Shunsui bent down to grab his arm tugging on it till he hauled Hitsugaya to his feet. "Come on you and I will drown our sorrows in a few bottles of sake."

Normally Hitsugaya would refuse but the invitation sounded rather inviting. Perhaps sake would do the trick. It was certainly safer that going against hollows or an upset 4th division taicho.

"When did everything become so complicated?" He wondered aloud not really expecting an answer but got one nonetheless.

"The moment we fell in love with them." With that said both men shunpoed for the 13th division where Ukitake awaited for their arrival with a ready supply of sake. It was indeed going to be a long night.


	6. Chapter 6

The sharp arch of her brow rose high above the rim of her glasses as she stood in the doorway of the bar. The air was always stale as it reeked with alcohol and … stopping suddenly as she realized the discolored puddle she had unknowingly stepped into was the source of the pungent stench. She looked down at the unconscious soul whose throw up she had stepped in.

With a disgusted expression marring her face she took her foot and wiped it clean on the man's clothes. Nanao never understood the attraction. Than again that's how all bars went she supposed. Well at least the ones she's been forced to visit because of a certain woman who deems it necessary to drown her misery in bottles of sake.

Surprisingly the place was quiet but than again it was relatively late in the hour; most of the people were passed out or far too drunk to do much. This time with caution Nanao maneuvered her way around until finally she came to the corner booth. It was clear Matsumoto was not alone. She recognized the bodies littering the floor among the empty sake bottles.

It was a sight to see. Kira had passed out and was currently sprawled in a puddle of which Nanao hoped was spilt sake. Hisagi faired a bit better underneath the table curled up into a ball clutching a sake bottle as if it were a teddy bear. Lastly, Matsumoto sat at the table her head laid atop her folded arms.

Sensing the familiar reiatsu Matsumoto raised her head and looked at the woman standing in front of her, arms crossed, and an annoyed scowl on her face.

"Nanao?"

Blue eyes that were always so clear even when inebriated held a solemn shadow over them. Nanao's features soften already knowing where this was going.

"Yes, Ran-chan."

"Why does my taicho hate me?"

Nanao had no answer for her. What happened that day in the 4th division was between them. She had little knowledge what was going on except for what Matsumoto had told her. Sighing she made her way towards Matsumoto mindful not to step on Kira in the process. Unfortunately the 3rd division fukutaicho wasn't as lucky as Matsumoto rose from her chair and accidentally stepped on the prone figure eliciting a groan of discomfort. Nanao quickly secured an arm around Matsumoto's waist and slung the woman's arm around her shoulder.

"Let's get you home."

It was easier said than done. With everything Nanao has been through; the Arrancar war, and being the second in command to the laziest taicho in all of Gotei 13. Nothing was as challenging as getting a drunken Matsumoto home.

Matsumoto leaned rather heavily against Nanao, head resting atop the woman's shoulder. "Nanao….you didn't answer my question…"

"Ran-chan please we're going to fall." Nanao complained as she struggled to keep not only herself but Matsumoto upright.

Ignoring Nanao's protest Matsumoto stayed as she was a pout accompanying her whine, "Naanaaoooo…."

Nanao rolled her eyes as she pushed her glasses up higher on the bridge of her nose. They've been through this for the past two weeks and every night since without fail Matsumoto would ask the same question, 'Why does _he_ hate me?' Or 'What did _I_ do wrong?' And every night Nanao would avoid answering and move on. This time, however, it was different.

Matsumoto pulled away from Nanao's support.

"Ran-chan?"

Nanao watched as her friend walked unsteadily towards the side of a building. Her first thought was that she was going to vomit but quickly pushed that aside. Regardless how much the woman drank; Matsumoto Rangiku does not throw up. In this case the woman had sobered up in the manner of seconds. Another knack the woman had.

Matsumoto leaned against the wall. Her arms wrapping around her waist as her eyes gazed up at the large moon that appeared so close she swore she could reach out and grab it. A single tear escaped and she didn't care as it fell. It reminded her of _him_.

Aloof

Distant

And beyond her reach….

It was disconcerting but Nanao recognized that look. Sighing she stood besides her gazing up at the same moon. "I'm sure there is some reasonable explanation but I doubt Hitsugaya taicho hates you."

"You weren't there Nanao."

"Ran-chan,"

Matsumoto shook her head, "What hurts the most is the look in his eyes the night Momo tried to kill him doesn't even compare to the look he gave me _that_ night. I've seen him at his worst, Nanao. But this…" Matsumoto tore her gaze from the sky to stare intently into Nanao's, "I've done something terrible. So much for him to shun me away and it's killing me here, Nanao," placing a hand over her heart.

"Rangiku," Nanao began to console only to be cut of once again.

"Not only does it hurt but it makes me angry," Matsumoto pushed off from the wall and started pacing in front of Nanao. "Hitsugaya Toushirou can be so grrr…."

Nanao's brows rose in surprise. One minute Matsumoto was desolate in her drunken state now the sobering, buxom woman was becoming livid. Nanao continued her silence waiting to see where her friend's tirade was going.

"Why couldn't he for once rein in that temper of his and tell me what I did wrong because it's quite obvious I have no clue. That man can be so…so…ahh!" Matsumoto screamed not caring that it was late in the night. Nanao on the other hand did. She quickly clamped her hand over Matsumoto's mouth. "Will you be quiet people are sleeping," she hissed.

Matsumoto mumbled an apology while raising her hands in surrender. "I'm sorry," she said again.

"Why don't we continue this back in your room and you can yell all you want, hm?"

Seeing that that her friend no longer needed her help getting back home Nanao started walking ahead of her.

"It's just so infuriating, Nanao." Matsumoto began while catching up, "One minute I just want to beat some sense into him and the next I just want to kiss…."

There was a sudden silence in the air. Nanao stopped in her tracks when she realized that Matsumoto was no longer walking besides her. Turning around she could see her friend visibly pale.

"What is it Ran-chan?"

Matsumoto's hand shook as she raised them to her mouth; her fingers lightly trailing over her lips. "I remember…"

* * *

For so long he had ignored the mysteries of sake. Never wanting to understand or participate in consuming it. Yet as Hitsugaya sat along with Ukitake and Shunsiu he finally understood the allure of drinking. It had, however, taken him five cups to become acquired to the taste and another six for him to reach that understanding. 

Ukitake never thought he'd see the day Hitsugaya Toushirou drinking sake. It was, well a strange sight to witness. It was a mixture of wonder and apprehension to see the normally stoic taicho so….drunk. At first Ukitake had shown some concern as Hitsugaya began gulping down sake as if he was dying of thirst. He turned to Shunsiu who simply shook his head and gave him a reassuring smile. Than again his best friend was doing the same thing.

"Perhaps Toushirou-kun you should slow down. There is no point in rushing," Ukitake chuckled trying to lighten up the mood as the air suddenly grew colder, "We have all night, no?"

Before Hitsugaya could respond Shunsiu had quickly replied waving his hand, "Let him go, Juushiro. The guy has got a lot on his mind. Right, Toushirou-kun?"

Both men raised their respective cups in a silent cheer and drank.

A speculative frown appeared on Ukitake's face, 'Huh?' he thought. Some sort of bond had developed between the two that he wasn't privy to. Not that it was any of his business but….

"Would someone care to enlighten me on what is going on? It is quite obvious that you two are trying to drown yourselves in sake rather than savoring it."

Shunsiu reached over to clap his friend on the back, "Aww…Juushiro you worry too much. Toushirou and I just simply found some common ground for us to drink to."

Looking across the table Ukitake took notice of how solemn Hitsugaya looked as he laid his empty cup down. "Juushiro-kun may I ask you a question?"

If watching Hitsugaya drinking sake was a sight to behold, hearing him address him so informally was a shock to Ukitake. That was the thing about sake or any alcohol, with enough amount all inhibitions disappeared. He stared at Hitsugaya for a moment aware that even beyond the glaze look of his inebriated state there was a melancholy dimness in his eyes. What sat before him was not the serious taicho of the 10th division but a man with a heavy load on his heart.

"Of course, Toushirou-kun. You may ask me anything you like." Ukitake answered with an encouraging smile.

Without hesitation, "Have you ever been in love?"

Ukitake eyes widen, he looked over to Shunsiu for some help but all he got was a smirk that said 'you asked' and a shrug of his shoulders.

* * *

They had recently arrived to Matsumoto's room and Nanao was eager to hear what her friend had to say. "Alright now tell me what you remember," Nanao said after quickly sliding the door shut. She joined Matsumoto on the couch who currently had her head buried in her hands. 

"Come on Ran-chan. What happened?" Nanao probed, her patience waning thin.

Matsumoto sat up to stare at Nanao, a small smile on her face. "We kissed."

"Excuse me?"

Nanao's eyes grew wide. Did she hear her right? Did Matsumoto just say….

"I said we kissed."

"You kissed Hitsugaya Taicho!"

"Shut up, someone is going to hear you." Matsumoto protested grateful that they had decided to head back home before telling Nanao her discovery.

"Are you absolutely sure that's what happened?"

Matsumoto rolled her eyes, "Yes!"

"Hey, you're the one that couldn't remember what happened." Nanao stated as a manner of fact.

"I was drunk and half asleep, okay." Matsumoto defended as she stood up to pace the room.

"What else happened?"

That stopped Matsumoto in mid-step, "What else? That's it. We just kissed."

She really didn't want to but Nanao had to say it, "I hate to remind you Rangiku but something else besides kissing must have happened to make him angry at you."

Matsumoto stared blankly at her friend then all too quickly screamed out in frustration. She reclaimed her previous position on the couch, nursing the impending headache. The only way for her to truly know what happened that night was to ask the man himself.

* * *

Ukitake mauled over the question as he took his time sipping at his sake in hopes to stall. 'Really of all the questions he could have asked,' Ukitake quietly whined to himself. Noting that his cup was nearly empty Ukitake realized there was no use in denying the inevitable. Looking over at Hitsugaya's expectant stare it was only a matter of time before he had to give a proper reply. 

"If the question makes you uncomfortable Ukitake," Hitsugaya began, sensing the man's uneasiness over the question, "You don't have to answer."

A part of him was relieved that Hitsugaya was giving him a way out yet the other part felt guilty. He had offered to answer any questions the young taicho threw at him but it was rather unexpected. "No, no, Toushirou-kun its fine." Ukitake looked over at his best friend who was sporting an amused smirk. "I am curious why you would ask me such a question. Why not ask Kyōraku-kun?"

Hitsugaya arched his brow, "Because we along with everyone in the Seireitie know who he's in love with."

"Except for my Nanao-chan," Shunsui sighed in frustration, empty yet another bottle of sake.

"Good point." Ukitake settled his empty cup down and stared off into space. "To answer your question Toushirou-kun than yes I have been in love before." A sly smile appearing across his face, "I have loved many in my time."

Hitsugaya was confused and his frowned only deepen as Shunsui began to laugh. "I don't understand."

"Don't let his innocent looks fool you, Toushirou." Shunsui replied first, "Underneath that gentle exterior lies a womanizing rouge. Isn't that right my friend?"

"What?" This was a surprise.

Shunsui nodded his head, "Yup, and here you all thought that I was the one. Nope my friend here takes the cake!" Shunsui continued laughing although Ukitake was starring daggers at him from across the table.

"Shut up, Kyōraku. You and I both know we are quite evenly matched when it comes to women."

Calming down and clearing his throat, "True my friend but that all changed the moment I laid eyes on my beautiful Nanao-chan. No other woman would ever compare to her."

Hitsugaya, astonished at what he was hearing, just sat there taking in the bickering between two respected men of the Seireitie. Ukitake Juushiro, the candy toting 13th division taicho, a womanizer? It was a surreal image that Hitsugaya was having a hard time believing.

Ukitake stopped his little squabble with Shunsui noting the disbelief on Hitsugaya's face. "Really Toushirou-kun it can't be that hard to believe?"

Hitsugaya shook his head, "Well…"

Scratching the back of his head, "I guess I should emphasize my answer." Ukitake poured himself some sake and quickly drank. Clearing his throat he began, "As I've said before I've enjoyed the company of many women. I'll be honest some were purely physical but there were the slim few that I thought I was in love with. Sadly none of those relationships ever lasted. And since becoming sick finding love wasn't my priority."

"Thank you Juushiro-kun for sharing a private part of your life with me but," although Hitsugaya was grateful, "It still doesn't answer my question."

"Oh?"

"Have you ever loved someone to the point that it hurts?"

A sad smile and a cheerless sigh escaped Ukitake's lips. "Only once, Toushirou-kun."

"What happened?"

"She fell in love with someone else and got married. My heart never really mended after that."

Hitsugaya lowered is head, "I'm sorry."

Ukitake shook his head, "Don't be. It was a long time ago. Now Toushirou-kun it is my turn." There was no need for the question to be spoken aloud. Ukitake could see the look in the young man's eyes. "Have you told Rangiku-chan how you feel?"

Hitsugaya didn't bother to be surprised, "It doesn't matter she loves someone else. To her I'll only be her taicho."

There was a long standing silence that fell between them. It wasn't an awkward silence where one did not know what to say in response but one filled with appreciation and support.

"It would appear that we all have something in common. A toast my friends," Shunsui sat up refilling their cups, "To love and the women who drove us to it."

"Hai!"


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: I hope this atones for the long wait for the next chapter. Hope ya'll enjoy smile

* * *

It had been hours since Nanao left and all she had done in bed was toss and turn. Matsumoto was kidding herself there was no chance of sleep tonight. Her mind was racing, her heart was beating uncontrollably, she was just too anxious. Dawn was fast approaching and so was their imminent reunion.

_Kiss_

Such an innocent four letter word yet what it truly signifies goes beyond the simplistic nature of lips being pressed together. "_We_ kissed," Matsumoto whispered to herself while sitting in the dark. How could she not remember what had transpired between them? Her lips tingled; it was obvious that her body did.

Running a frustrated hand through her hair Matsumoto finally decided to get up from bed and started getting dress. There really was no way she would be getting any sleep now. Perhaps doing some paperwork would tire her out to a point of exhaustion. It always did in the past.

* * *

The dark stillness of the night was interrupted by sounds of footsteps shuffling through the streets of the Seiretie. Hitsugaya's steps were clumsy and his hands were outstretched in front of him as if he were a blind man trying to feel his way around. Even in his inebriated state there was still the determined stride that moved him forward, towards Matsumoto's home.

He didn't understand where the sudden drive to see _her_ came from. Perhaps after listening to Ukitake's sad loss and Shunsui's unrequited love for his precious Nanao it gave him the need to see her. Or perhaps he was feeling guilty over punishing her for his anger. Maybe he was going to see her at such an ungodly hour in hopes to grovel back into her good graces. Because forgiveness was all he could truly expect. He couldn't dare dream that she would love him back. Only one man belonged in her heart and he was long gone.

His bravado slowly began to seep away from his unwavering trek the moment Matsumoto's home came into view. In all honesty what could he say to her? An apology or 'I'm sorry' was a weak declaration for his selfish stupidity. Sure they've had their squabbles before but this time it was different. There was more than just irritability behind those words he spat out to her. Pain, heartache, and jealousy clouded his usually frigid composure.

It was strange standing in front of Matsumoto's door, hand poised in the air ready to knock but for some reason Hitsugaya couldn't go through with it. It's as if his inhibitions had returned and the adrenaline that kept him moving thus far drained from his body.

He wanted to follow through. Wanted her to open the door in surprise to see him standing there ready to pour his heart out; to confess what's been plaguing him for years. But he couldn't do it.

Harding his resolve he pulled his arm back and just before his hand connected with the door to knock he faltered. Why was it so hard? Letting out an irritable sigh Hitsugaya leaned his forehead against the door. In a defeated whisper, "Damn it, I can't." His over analyzing mind kept replaying scenarios of rejection. He had to wonder, 'Could he actually survive such a blow to his heart if she did?' Thinking back to what happened that night.

All of a sudden he felt tired. He could feel his eyes growing heavy. Sliding down onto the floor, Hitsugaya leaned his back against her door. "Pathetic," he said aloud to no one.

"No Toushirou, just heartbroken."

The last thing Hitsugaya saw a whirl of pink flashing before his eyes and then total darkness which he welcomed openly.

* * *

"But my Nanao-chan…"

"I can't believe you…"

Hitsugaya couldn't tell what woke him up first; the harsh whispers in the background, the sunlight blaring across his face, or the feel of the crappy couch he was lying on. As if adding a backache to his already protesting body wasn't enough. His head ached, his body felt heavy, and there was a funny after taste in his mouth. He threw an arm over his eyes to block the offending light. Oh how he wished he could just go back to sleep but the hushed whispers grew louder and louder.

"What did you do?"

"My beautiful Nanao-chan, please not so loud." Shunsui whined probably feeling the same after-effects as Hitsugaya.

The connecting sound of Nanao's wooden fan hitting Shunsui could be heard clearly in the office. Hitsugaya would have found it amusing if he didn't feel like crap.

"Ouch!"

"I'll do more damage if you don't explain why Hitsugaya taicho is passed out on the office couch." Nanao hissed.

"Well you see I invited him to join Juushiro and myself for some sake and…."

Another whack interrupted Shunsui's explanation.

"Sake? Sake! You got Hitsugaya drunk! Of all the stupid things you could do."

"Oww…."

Finally coming to Shunsui's defense and putting a halt to the squabbling. "Actually Nanao," Hitsugaya began to say as he struggled to sit upright. "That was entirely my doing." He finished explaining while peering over the couch.

What he saw was beyond comical. If his head didn't hurt so much he'd fall into a fit of laughter. Nanao froze in place with her arm raised high in the air ready to strike down with her mighty fan and the great 8th division taicho was cowering away from his attacker.

"Ah, Toushirou-kun perfect timing," Shunsui gratefully slid away from Nanao and headed towards Hitsugaya.

"So," Shunsui motioned for Hitsugaya to move over sitting next to him, "How are you feeling?"

Hitsugaya leaned his head back against the couch closing his eyes, "I doubt I'll ever want to understand the allure of sake again if this is the outcome of drinking it."

Shunsui began to laugh.

Hitsugaya covered his face with one hand while the other pushed at Shunsui's shoulder, "Please stop. Your laughter is making my headache worse." Hitsugaya lolled his head to the side, "I don't understand how you can be in such a chipper mood. You drank more than me. Shouldn't you feel like shit? I sure as hell do."

"Ah, but you forget my friend." He leaned proudly back against the arm of the couch. "I've been drinking far longer than you."

"I hate you right now."

Shunsui clapped his hands and began to rub them together, "Not to worry Toushirou I have the perfect hangover remedy. Oh my sweet Nanao would you be so kind if…Nanao are you alright?"

Nanao's mouth hung open. Since when did the two become so close? These two…friends? Was this some type of alternate universe? A joke perhaps? What in the world was going on? Nanao remained speechless uncertain of what to think.

Shunsui narrowed his eyes when she didn't answer. He was quickly on his feet and by her side in seconds. He wrapped an arm around her waist while he used his other hand to feel if she had a fever, "What's wrong? Are you not feeling well my Nanao-chan?"

Hitsugaya peered through his fingers to watch as Nanao began to push at Shunsui. "Would you stop overreacting and get your hands off of me. I'm fine." Free from his grasp Nanao started to straighten out her clothes. She pushed at her glasses covering up the blush on her face. "Yes, well ah…I'll be right back with the remedy." she curtly turned away exiting the office.

Shunsui sighed, "See what I mean Toushirou-kun?" He stared longingly after her.

Hitsugaya stood from the couch stretching out the kinks in his back. "Perhaps if you would be less dramatic than perhaps Nanao-chan would take you seriously." He flinched at the sun as he walks towards the window. "Besides," Hitsugaya started to say as he pushed it open. He sat on the window sill soaking up the warmth of the sunlight. "I don't think Nanao-chan would hit you so much if she didn't care."

Shunsui snorted, replacing Hitsugaya's spot on the couch. "I highly doubt hitting me over the head with inanimate objects is her way of conveying that she cares. Maybe it's time I simply accept that my love is unrequited in this relationship."

Hitsugaya looked over at the man lying sadly on the couch. "Are you still drunk from last night because you're starting to sound like me?"

Signs of cheerfulness in Shunsui were replaced with the melancholy of a man yearning for the love of a woman. "I meant what I said last night. I do envy you, Toushirou. You have a chance with Ran-chan. I see the way her eyes shine whenever your name is spoken or the way she looks at you when she thinks no one is paying attention. As for my Nanao-chan," sighing once more, "Unless hitting me is truly a means of saying that she loves me I…I don't know."

For as long as he knew Shunsui, the man was always so jovial and carefree. But this was something totally unexpected. "You're being melodramatic as always but giving up is unlike you, Kyōraku."

Shunsui shrugged his shoulders waving a dismissive hand, "Do not mind me, Toushirou-kun. I have my moments where I analyze if it is worth pinning over a woman who obviously does not feel the same for me."

"Have you told Nanao how you truly felt?"

"Are you kidding? There is never a moment where I haven't expressed my feelings to her."

Hitsugaya rolled his eyes, "That's the problem."

Shunsui stared up at the young taicho as if he grew another head, "Huh?"

Hitsugaya ran a frustrating hand through his hair. "Your flamboyancy and affinity of the theatrics tend to water down your seriousness. You flirt with every woman you see. You throw endearments like you would rose petals. How do you expect Nanao to take you seriously? Besides being your strict fukutaicho does she know where she stands in your life, I mean _truly_ know?"

Shunsui's brows rose upon hearing the passion in Hitsugaya's voice.

"You sound as if you understand what Nanao might be feeling, Toushirou-kun."

He lowered his gaze to the floor, "Let's just say that I do."

Silence ensued between them. The sound of a clock ticking away the seconds echoed in the room until,

"I do love her, Toushirou."

Upon hearing such resolve in Shunsui's voice, Hitsugaya looked up into the steely eyes of a man in love. "She means more to me than anything else.

He grins, "Then don't give up on her."

The usual lazy smile appeared on Shunsui's face, "You are one to talk, Toushirou-kun. Perhaps you should heed your advice."

"Like I've said before Shunsui, our situations are _different_."

Hitsugaya turns his attention to look out the window while Shunsui lowers his straw hat to cover his face, feigning to fall asleep.

On the other side of the door Nanao stood frozen in place. Her fingers tightly gripping the tray she held in her hands. It hadn't taken Nanao long in retrieving the hangover remedy. They were always readily in stock thanks to the over exuberance of the 8th division's sake drinking taicho. But upon returning and nearing the office she stopped when she heard her taicho explaining about giving up his pursuit in wooing her. She hadn't meant to eavesdrop but her curiosity got the better of her. Now she knew for she had heard everything.

She had already admitted to herself a long time ago that she has feelings for her taicho. And she's kept that admission, not risking divulging such sensitive information to anyone except to Matsumoto. Things were already complicated enough being a Shinigami. But it hurt her badly when she heard the dejection in his voice about how unrequited his love was. How he should just give up on her. Than just as quickly her sadness quickly turned into complete happiness hearing him say that he loves her. She was giddy and terrified at the same time.

Nanao contemplated on what to do next. This had been the first time since upon learning that she was going to be the 8th division's fukutaicho that she was at a loss. She truly doubted that she could pull off that she did not hear what they were talking about. She wasn't that good of an actress. It didn't help that her taicho would know something was wrong with just a look at her. Contrary to beliefs he knew her better than anyone else, better than herself.

Hitsugaya's voice pulled her from Nanao from her thoughts.

"Kyōraku,"

The figure on the couch pushed up on his straw hat to look at Hitsugaya.

Hitsugaya didn't bother facing Shunsui, "I want to thank you for what you did last night…or rather this morning."

"Toushirou-kun getting to see you drink and get drunk on sake is gratitude enough."

An amused smirked appeared across Hitsugaya's face. "I wasn't talking about that you fool! I meant about you saving me from an embarrassing situation."

"I don't know what I would have done if she had caught me passed out on her doorstep."

Nanao's eyes widen, 'Hitsugaya taicho had gone to see Matsumoto late last night?' Why didn't Matsumoto mention anything of this to her when she had seen her this morning at her office?

"Tell me, Toushirou. Why _did_ you go to see Matsumoto?"

Shunsui waited patiently for an explanation unsure if he was going to get one.

Hitsugaya stared out into the brilliant morning sun, lost in thought to a recent memory.

_

* * *

_

The day grew late as rays of yellow and orange painted the sky as the sun began its decent. Hitsugaya stopped in the middle of the grassy field, his eyes adoring the old house he grew up in. The sound of children's laughter echoed in the breeze and the faint scent of watermelon filtered in the air. A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as forgotten memories resurfaced. Now, after all this time, he was back.

_The ground crunched with every step as Hitsugaya made his way up the gravel path. The old gate creaked as he pushed it open making a mental note to have that fixed. Regardless the old house remained in excellent condition. Hitsugaya made sure of it since his promotion. He may have not been able to visit but he made sure his granny was well taken care of. He walked up the well worn path, rounded the house to the other side, and sat down on the wooden porch. This was the spot where he and Momo would sit. It didn't matter if they were eating watermelons or just simply watching the sunset. His hand ghosted over the area she would be sitting. He missed his childhood best friend. _

"_You always do that. I'm not dead, Shiro-chan."_

_Hitsugaya looked up at the former 5__th__ division fukutaicho. Soon after the war had ended and news of Aizen's death Momo had decided that she no longer felt like being a Shinigami. It had taken some time but Momo overcame her own naivety and realized Aizen's betrayal. The lies, the war, and the fact she had actually raised her own blade against her closet friend had dampen her drive to being a Shinigami. And so, Momo left the Gotei 13, the Seiretie, and Hitsugaya. She headed back home and now lived with their granny. _

_Looking up at his friend he realized leaving was the best thing to have happened to her. She seemed happier yet he could still see a shadow of sorrow belied in those dark eyes. Still grieving for the man she fell in love with or rather for the illusion she had of the man. Nonetheless, she was better off here than in the Seiretie. _

"_Sorry Momo. I just miss you." In which Hitsugaya really did. Not that he was going to admit it but he missed hearing her say 'Shiro-chan' around the Seiretie. _

"_Yeah well if you'd take time to visit you wouldn't miss me so much, Shiro-chan."  
_

_Momo smiled at the pink tint lighting his cheeks. "Aw…you look so cute in pink."_

_Toushirou growled, "Shut up, bed wetter!"_

_Momo giggled as she sat besides him. Her laughter died quickly noticing that he was touching his chest. She abruptly stood up and pointed an accusing finger at him. She had heard about his accident. "Hitsugaya Toushirou, tell me you did not sneak out of 4__th__ division. 'Cause if you did I will send word to Unohana taicho and you know how she gets when it comes to her patients!"_

"_Eh?" Toushirou eyes grew wide, "Will you lower your voice."_

_He tugged at her outstretch arm, pulling her back down to sit next to him. "First of all I did not sneak out. I'm not stupid to test Unohana taicho." Beneath the cool and calm exterior of the 4__th__ division taicho lays a quiet ferocity that even Zaraki wouldn't mess with. It's true what they say about watching out for the quiet ones. _

"_Secondly, she let me go this morning."_

"_Oh," Momo's brow furrowed, "Well if that's true than why are you here?"_

_Hitsugaya pouted, "Do I need a reason to visit my family?"_

"_No silly but I know you, Shiro-chan. I figured once you got the chance you'd be back in your office doing paperwork considering how long you've been out." _

_Momo was right. It had only been hours since Unohana finally released him from her care. Hours since he had wandered the streets before deciding to head back to the 10__th__ division. To say that he was nervous was an understatement. He couldn't feel her reiatsu anywhere but than again Matsumoto had a knack for cloaking it. Hiding away from doing paperwork made her an expert. Upon arriving he was greeted happily by his squad then was quickly informed that she really wasn't around. He had tolerated the emptiness of the office no more than an hour before deciding to leave and return back home in hopes to sort out this chaotic mess he put himself in._

_He let out a distressing sigh that wasn't lost on Momo. "Isane-san told me all she could but I want you to tell what's going on Shiro-chan? Tell me what happened?"_

_She was asking him to reopen a wound that was barely starting to heal. _

_Momo bumped his shoulder with hers, "Come on Shiro. It can't be that bad?" _

_Dull teals eyes bore into hers, "Or could it?"_

_Taking a deep breath Hitsugaya looked out towards the slow setting of the sun and began to reiterate what happened while Momo sat still besides him, eyes widen in astonishment. _

_What proceeded after Hitsugaya's final words were uttered was not the accompanying silence one would get after revealing such a traumatic scene but a good whack upside the head by the former 5__th__ division fukutaicho. _

_Hitsugaya got up from his seat, distancing himself from his childhood friend all the while rubbing at the back of his head. "Why'd you do that for, Momo?"_

"_For a genius you sure are stupid!"_

"_Hey!"_

"_Hitsugaya Toushirou you can be the…the most insensitive jerk I know! How…how could you do that to…to Rangiku-chan?" Momo was so mad she began to stutter. If only she had her zanpaktou._

"_What is all this yelling about?" _

_A warm smile appeared on Hitsugaya's face as he recognized the elderly woman standing in the doorway. Though slightly thinner than from the last time, his granny hadn't changed a bit except for the cane she was currently leaning heavily on. Concern he rushed over to her, "Granny," he eyed the cane curiously, "What's with the cane? Are you okay…" Before he could finish his sentence the wooden cane came down to hit him squarely on the head. _

"_Ai..yea…" Hitsugaya hissed in pain as he rubbed at the newly added wound on his head. _

_Momo began to laugh at Hitsugaya's misfortune until she too received the same punishment._

"_Ow…Granny why'd you hit me?" Momo whined as she fingered the tender area above her right brow. _

_She pointed the cane at Momo, "That is for yelling."_

"_And you," she pointed her weapon at the cowering man, "That is for making an old woman worry about you. Why haven't you visited sooner, hm? And what is this I hear about you getting injured?"_

_Hitsugaya still rubbing his head whispered about being sent back to the 4__th__ division by a crazed cane wielding old woman. _

"_Eh, did you say something, Toushirou?"_

_He waved his hands in defense, "NO! I mean no Granny its nothing."_

"_Well you will come with me and tell me everything," she began to say as she made her way down from the porch and onto the gravel path; "And Momo will start on dinner."_

"_But granny," Momo began protesting still not done scolding Hitsugaya for being so stupid but quickly determined otherwise. No point in arguing with an armed woman. "Alright granny but Shiro-chan," she pointed, "You better apologize to Rangiku-chan the moment you get back to the Seiretie."_

'_Easier said than done,' He thought as he followed his granny out to the grassy field._

_Granny had yet to say a word and Hitsugaya had to wonder what was going through her mind. They came upon a small clearing and she let Toushirou guide her over to a fallen tree branch so she could sit down. Granny patted the empty seat beside her. Clearing his throat Hitsugaya complied with her wishes and sat next her. His body ridged and arms crossed. Granny closed her eyes as she let the last rays of sunlight warm her old bones. "A lot has happened, no?" the old woman finally spoke, eyes still closed._

"_Ah…" was his only response. _

_He could hear her taking in a deep breath and waited as she exhaled. Hitsugaya wasn't sure if he could go through another explanation of what happened. Telling Momo was hard enough. "Granny," he began to say but was quickly cut off. _

"_I want you to tell me everything about this… Matsumoto Rangiku."_

_Hitsugaya's eyes grew wide. 'Why did she want to know about Matsumoto?' he wondered. "I thought you wanted to know what happened to me."_

_Granny waved her delicate hand, "Oh no, no. Momo has already filled me in on that. I'm just happy that you're alright. Now, tell me about her."_

_Toushirou sat there staring out into the horizon. What could he say about Matsumoto Rangiku?_

"_She is the most..." He began to say then suddenly shot up from his seat ranting about the woman, "Infuriating, stubborn, irritating, maddening, and insane woman I've ever met." Granny watched with great amusement as Hitsugaya paced back and forth in front her. "She frustrates me to no end and is __**the**__ laziest fukutaicho."_

_The distinctive sound of laughter halted his mini tirade. "It's not funny, Granny." He pouted, "Seriously, out of all the people to become my fukutaicho it had to be her. As if meeting her that first time wasn't bad enough."_

"_Oh, you've met her before you entered the academy?"_

_Hitsugaya nodded his head. He had briefly explained how she had 'bumped' into him (his first encounter with those infamous assets of hers) while in town. How she had later shown up at the house that same night. Waking him up from his nightmare, and explaining to him that with such incredible powers he should consider becoming a Shinigami. How becoming a 'Death God' will help him learn to control his powers.+ _

_A glimmer of shame crossed his eyes. He had a sickening feeling if it hadn't been for Matsumoto that night things would have turned tragic. Because of his inability to control his reiatsu he had nearly frozen his grandmother to death. _

"_I see. I think I'm beginning to like this person already."_

_That pulled Hitsugaya out of his gloomy thoughts. "Granny…" He began to warn._

"_Fine you've told me about Matsumoto fukutaicho. Now, I want you to tell me about Matsumoto the woman. From what Momo has told me she is quite the looker and has some very large…" she emphasized by sticking her two hands rather far from her chest._

"_Granny!" _

_The old woman giggled but urged for him to continue. _

_He cleared his throat as he tried not to blush, "Yes Matsumoto is very….endowed but its more than just physical appearance with her." He watched as the sun had long last disappeared behind the horizon. "Matsumoto Rangiku is beyond beautiful. She has this amazing soul. She's fiery and warm. Animated and quite a comic," he shook his head remembering all the crazy stunts she'd pull, "She's loyal, protective, and has the biggest heart." _

_It ached to think about her. Swallowing the lump in his throat he finally whispered, "To me she's ... perfect."_

_Granny pushed herself from her seat and made her way towards him. "Oh my sweet Toushirou," She grabbed his hand, affectionately patting the back. "Have you told her how you feel?"_

_He avoided her gaze and the long standing silence was the answer she needed._

* * *

It was so strange. In the past twenty-four hours two every different people have asked him the same question. And the moment where he felt he had enough courage to tell her he hesitated. Hopping down from the windowsill Hitsugaya turned to Shunsui, "I had hoped. I …" he shook his head, "It doesn't matter now. It's growing late and I need to head back to my division. Thank you once again, Shunsui."

Hitsugaya rushed out of the office nearly colliding with Nanao who just entered. "Excuse me, Nanao."

"Oh, leaving so soon, Hitsugaya taicho?"

Nanao was about to offer the hangover remedy but Hitsugaya was already gone.

Shunsui, who had stood up from the couch the moment Nanao entered the office, took the tray from her. "You and I need to have a talk."

"A talk? About what?"

Gently grasping her chin, he lifted her face until her eyes were looking into his, a small grin spreading across his face. Could he have possibly known she was there the whole time?

"My lovely Nanao-chan hasn't anyone ever told you that you need to cloak your reiatsu when you are eavesdropping on someone's conversation?"

Nanao's eyes widen in shock.

* * *

+manga spoiler #304-15

For those who haven't read the special edition check out this website

manga(dot)bleachexile(dot)com/bleach-chapter-305(dot)html


	8. Chapter 8

"Why isn't this working?" Matsumoto complained, placing another completed piece of paperwork to the side. Dropping her brush onto the desk she began flexing her fingers easing blood to flow through her cramped digits. Glancing at the wall clock she practically cried out in protest. Getting up from her chair she began to pace the office. It was near noon and not once had she felt, since arrive earlier this morning, the need to rest her eyes. Looking back at her desk she was surprised to see that most of her work was almost done. "Why is this happening to me? Paperwork is supposed to put me to sleep," she whined.

With every second ticking away, her plans of sleep by paperwork were slowly fading away. The chance to abate her nervousness was no where in site. The inevitable was coming. He was sure to arrive today, although it was very odd that he wasn't here already. Hitsugaya taicho wasn't known for his tardiness to anything especially to work. Than again things hasn't been the norm as of late.

It didn't help that Nanao's earlier visit only added more to the tension.

"_What are you doing?" Nanao stated upon entering the 10__th__ division's office. Stunned to see her friend doing what she hated the most._

_Matsumoto didn't even bother to look up at Nanao, "I know! Matsumoto Rangiku, me, who would rather face a dozen Menos Grandes, is actually doing paperwork. Can you believe it?"_

"_It's no secret in the Seiretie your adverse disposition towards paperwork, Ran-chan. Besides," Nanao finally getting over her shock and sliding the door shut, "I was certain you'd be asleep on the couch by now?" Taking a seat on the aforementioned furniture, Nanao sat comfortably awaiting for her response. _

"_That's the problem Nanao." She exclaimed while tossing aside her brush._

_Nanao arched her brow in question, "How so?"_

_Sighing Matsumoto leaned back into her chair, "It won't let me?"_

_Nanao's brow rose even higher, "It?"_

_She slams the arms of her chair with her hands, and then quickly gets up. "Yes, my mind won't let me sleep. All it does is replay the kiss." Matsumoto's arms flays about as she rants on and on._

"_I thought you said you barely remember what happened, just the fact that you two had kissed."_

"_Yeah I know that's what I said but…" Matsumoto trailed off feeling her cheeks heat up._

_Lowering her glasses Nanao stared very hard at Matsumoto, "But what Ran-chan?" Both brows now rose, "Are you blushing?"_

_Matsumoto flops back into her chair. Leaning back she stares back a Nanao. "__**It," **__she points a finger to her head, "Is doing more than replaying the kiss. Every time I close my eyes all I see is __**him**__. This time he's not some blurred figure in front of me. I can see his face, clearly. His bright teal eyes grow fiercely darker; a playful smirk appears on his face as he catches me staring at those soft lips of his." Matsumoto wraps an arm around her waist as she continues. _

"_I can feel his elegant fingers tracing my face. First my brows, then down the slope of my nose, then…."Nanao hid the smile behind her hand while Matsumoto unconsciously traces her lips. _

"_The kiss is different this time, Nanao. He would cup my face within his hands," Matsumoto grins while biting down on her finger, "Slowly, ever so damn slowly; he would pull away and start to pepper my face with tiny kisses first on each eyelid, then on both cheeks, and even on the tip of my nose."_

_Nanao couldn't suppress the giggle escaping her mouth. Matsumoto's smile grew wider as her imaginative mind kept pouring her with intimate images of her taicho. Getting up she joins Nanao on the couch sighing while she carries on, "Then he would tease me by kissing the corners of my mouth. And of course knowing me I would complain that he was taking too long."_

_Shaking her head Nanao could just hear the way Matsumoto would whine, _

'_Taiichoo...'_

"_Finally he would kiss me. It wasn't some chaste kiss like that night, oh no. Sure it may have started off that way but then it grew from sweet to passionate. Oh, Nanao what had ensued after that kiss was…"_

"_Ok you can stop there. I can pretty much imagine. Although," Taking into account Matsumoto's reddening cheeks, "Yours is just a lot wilder than mines." She really did not need to hear the details._

"_Now can you understand my dilemma?"_

_Nanao simply nodded her head._

_Matsumoto turned to Nanao, "So?"_

"_So, what?"_

"_Tell me what to do Nanao."_

"_How am I supposed to know?"_

"_Because Nanao we're in the same boat."_

_Nanao blinked at her friend, "What's this proverbial boat we're talking about?"_

"_The fact we both have feelings for our infuriating taichos."_

_Nanao was about to protest but Matsumoto promptly cut her off. "Remember I'm the one you come to when you need to vent about Shu-kun." The 8__th__ division fukutaicho remained tightlipped. "Come on Nanao-chan how much longer are you going to deny it, hm?" _

_Pushing at her glasses she began to say, "Ok, ok, let's just say I'll hypothetically agree with you and admit I have feelings for Shunsui," Matsumoto couldn't help the smile that appeared on her face at the mentioning of the man's first name. Realizing her little slip Nanao pointed a caveat finger at her. "Not a word, Rangiku." The woman in question raised her hands in defense._

"_Just because we may be in the 'same boat' doesn't mean that our situations are the same."_

"_Meaning?"_

_Taking a deep breath she began to explain, "You know how I despise the way he flirts with every women he meets." Just thinking about it was making her mad.._

_Matsumoto reached for her hand giving it a reassuring squeeze. "But Nanao everyone knows that Shu-kun only has eyes for you."_

"_Fine, than all he needs to do is prove it to me and I'll gladly give him my heart."_

"_Really?" Matsumoto's ears perked and her eyes grew animatedly bigger. "You really mean it?"_

"_Matsumoto Rangiku you know the rules what ever is said between us stays between us. So help me I will personally destroy your Sake collection."_

_Matsumoto pouted, "That's mean Nanao."_

"_I mean it."_

"_Ok fine. Besides it's not like he's going to believe me anyway. He didn't even believe me when I told him you had that steamy dream about him the week after you were promoted his fukutaicho."_

"_MATSUMOTO!"_

"_Hey Nanao you sounded just like taicho." Matsumoto quickly abated her teasing when she noted the pulsing vein near Nanao's temple looked like it was about to burst. "Seriously Nanao I was only kidding. I would never betray you like that. I swear."_

_Taking off her glasses Nanao pinched the bridge of her nose alleviating some of the stress. Placing them back on, she stared at Matsumoto. "We're moving from the point I'm trying to make here."_

"_I'm sorry Nanao please go on."_

"_What I'm trying to say is that Shunsui only needs to prove his faithfulness to me and that's it. He doesn't have to worry about vying for my heart, or fear that he's being compared to someone else." Nanao waited to see if her words were sinking in. When the playful smile faded from Matsumoto's lips she knew that they were. _

_Moving from the couch, Matsumoto walked over to the window. She absently watches some of her squad members running towards the mess hall for breakfast. "Gin is gone, Nanao. What does he have to do with any of this?"_

_Nanao followed until she was just behind her. "Gin is a pretty tough act to follow. He was the one that saved you. He was your first friend, your first lover. Your relationship with him was never a secret and I know how much you loved him. Remember I was the shoulder you cried on when he left and I was there for you when you mourned his death. Your heart was never the same, Ran."_

_Moving to face her, Nanao leaned back against the wall, arms crossed. "You say you have feelings for Hitsugaya Taicho, but it's pretty clear you still harbor feelings for Gin too regardless that he's gone."_

She could still hear Nanao's parting words echoing in her ear.

"_Sooner or later Matsumoto Rangiku you will have to choose."_

Going back to her desk Matsumoto began to rummage through her drawers until she found what she was looking for. She drew out the small flask of sake placing it atop her desk. The soothing alcohol could help assuage some of the apprehension coating her nerves. But she eyes the bottle, weighing her options. Shaking her head no she finally decides that it would be best to stay sober when she finally sees him. Questions needed to answered and gaps needed to be filled. In order to obtain that Matsumoto needed her wits about her. Placing the bottle away she continued doing paperwork until he arrived.

* * *

Soon after leaving the 8th division Hitsugaya headed straight home. Hopeful that a fresh set of clothes along with a shower will not only abate his headache but help him clear his mind. While sitting on his futon he ran his hands through his damp hair. Though feeling much cleaner he was still so lost at what to do. The one thing he did know was that he needed to stop running. Nothing good had come out of his actions but another scar on his chest and the ache in his heart.

Deciding that there was no use in hiding either, Hitsugaya strapped his Zanpaktou onto his back. Upon leaving his quarters a hell-butterfly came fluttering towards him. He waited as it landed on his finger.

"_Hitsugaya Taicho, you are to report to the 1__st__ division immediately."_

As he stood there watching the hell-butterfly fly away Hitsugaya ponders what was worse; facing the old man or Matsumoto. Given the circumstances with Matsumoto perhaps this little detour was a blessing in disguise. No point in keeping Yamamoto soutaicho waiting Hitsugaya shunpoed towards the 1st division.

The moment he had arrived Hitsugaya was surprised to see both Juushiro and Shunsui leaving the office.

"Toushirou-kun it's so good to see you." Ukitake warmly greeted while Shunsui tipped his hat in turn, a goofy smile plastered on his face.

"What are you two doing here?" Hitsugaya narrowed his eyes.

"Yare, yare Toushirou-kun what's with the suspicious glare? We were simply discussing a few things with Yama-jii." Shunsui patted Hitsugaya's shoulder before walking away.

Ukitake waved his hands dismissively, "Nothing to be concerned about Toushirou-kun. Enjoy your meeting."

His eyes nearly bugged out while watching Ukitake's retreating back, 'Enjoy my meeting? Was the man out of his mind?' Meetings with Yamamoto soutaicho were never enjoyable. The old man has yet to crack a smile in centuries.

Enjoy? Ha! Unless Hitsugaya was a masochist, which he was not, there was no way he was going to enjoy his ass being chewed out. His mind was racing and he didn't have time to mull over the odd exchanged. The doors to the office began to open.

"Yamamoto soutaicho will see you now, Hitsugaya taicho."

Nodding at Sasakibe fukutaicho Hitsugaya squared his shoulders and entered the office. He bowed respectively as he appeared before Yamamoto. "Sasakibe leave us."

"Hai, Yamamoto soutaicho."

The sound of the door closing echoed in the large office. Taking a deep breath Hitsugaya readied himself for his punishment.

"Hitsugaya taicho," Yamamoto's voice rough with age carried a resonance of authority, "Although there is no law against leaving the grounds of the Seiretie I must deeply express my disappointment with your thoughtless actions. You disregarded the welfare of you division by blatantly putting yourself in danger. What do you think would have happened if your division had found out their taicho was killed due to his recklessness?" Hitsugaya pursed his lips together, bowing his head even more. "Tell me Hitsugaya taicho. What were you thinking?"

"I wasn't thinking at all."

"That is clearly obvious."

"I was distracted."

"So I've been told."

Hitsugaya frowned, 'Told? By whom?' He didn't have time to contemplate.

"That is why you will be going to the living world for one week as a civilian."

Yamamoto raised his heavy brow, challenging Hitsugaya to say something in regards to his punishment. Hitsugaya quickly swallowed his objection. The look on the old man's face left no room for argument.

Hitsugaya's eyes grew wide. This wasn't good, "I don't understand Yamamoto soutaicho…"

"What is there to understand? You are hereby relieved of your duties for one week. Do not worry about your division it will be in capable hands while you are gone."

Hitsugaya was trying to wrap his mind around all this.

"That will be all Hitsugaya taicho you are excused."

The moment the doors shut behind Hitsugaya, Sasakibe appeared besides the old man.

Sasakibe shifted uncomfortably besides Yamamoto, "What is it Sasakibe?"

"Sir, my I speak freely."

"You may,"

"I am not judging your method of sentence for Hitsugaya taicho but forgive me, sir. It sounded more like a vacation rather than a reprimand?" Yamamoto soutaicho was never _this_ lenient with anyone when dictating punishment. Well with the exception for two taichos that were like sons to him.

A gruff snort which sounded a lot like a chuckle left Yamamoto's lips, "It was brought to my attention," shaking his head while remembering Ukitake and Shunsui's request, "That this time off will help Hitsugaya taicho. I cannot have a taicho of the Gotei 13 becoming distracted over trivial things."

"Trivial things, sir?"

"Sometimes the reason why a man would go through such lengths of distraction is because a woman is involved."

* * *

Matsumoto pushed away from her desk. The drive to immerse herself in paperwork finally loss its appeal as it lays forgotten. The green tea that she had prepared for him sat cold and untouched on his desk. The hour grew late and the day was nearly done but _he_ still has yet to show up. Her riddled mind began to wonder as she paced the office, most likely wearing through the wooden floor, his whereabouts.

"Where is he?" She said aloud for the hundredth time while she settled besides the window absently staring outside.

* * *

"What did you two say to him?" Hitsugaya demanded as he entered the 13th division office. Both accused were sitting comfortably around a table enjoying a bottle of sake.

"Eh?" Ukitake responded innocently dropping the sake bottle and waving his hands in defense. At least Kyōraku had the decency not to hide behind a false façade as he drank from his cup. Hitsugaya narrowed his eyes as the man's lips turned into a coy smile. "Shunsui tell me what you said to him."

Kyōraku gestured towards Ukitake to answer for him. Letting out a defeated breath Ukitake finally spoke, "We," pointing at himself and his partner in crime, "Figured it would be beneficial for you to get some time off. "

"Yeah, we simply told him about your situation." Kyōraku added, which was a mistake.

"You did WHAT?" It was no wonder he didn't get the ass chewing he had expected from the old man.

The temperature immediately began to drop. "Who gave you the right to decide what I need? My personal life is not in question here and it's none of your damn business!" As Hitsugaya ranted on the room got colder.

Ukitake glared daggers at Kyōraku who was pulling his pink hakama closer to his body to ward off the bitter chill. "Yare, yare, Toushirou you're making the sake cold."

"I cannot believe you two had the audacity to tell the old man about my personal life!"

Ukitake stood from his spot on the floor, carefully approaching Hitsugaya. "You have it all wrong, Toushirou-kun. We didn't tell him anything of the sort. We simply asked him to consider giving a few of the officers some time off, starting off with you."

"Considering that all you do _is _work we told Yama-jii that taking you away from it was punishment enough."

The temperature started to go back to normal as Hitsugaya began to calm down. "Why send me to the living world for a week?"

"A little change of scenery is always good. Can you imagine all the fun we'll have?" It was clear that Kyōraku was enjoying is this.

Hitsugaya arched his brow, "We?"

"Of course, who do you think were the other officers we convinced Yamamoto soutaicho to give time off to?"

Now he understood that goofy smile he had seen on Kyōraku face earlier. "I'm spending my time with you two?"

Kyōraku smiled mischievously while Ukitake placed his arm around Hitsugaya's shoulder. "We are going to have so much fun."

"Oh joy," was Hitsugaya's response. Perhaps his punishment was well deserved. Spending time with these two was bad enough. If Ukitake wasn't still trying to spoil him up with unwanted candy than Kyōraku was certainly going to drown him in alcohol.

"So Toushirou-kun, what did Matsumoto say when you told her that you'll be going to the living world for a week?" Ukitake curiously asked while reclaiming his seat and sake cup.

Hitsugaya suddenly found the floor rather interesting.

Ukitake and Kyōraku both shared a knowing look. "You have seen her, right?"

Both men didn't know what to say his silence.

"Toushirou…."

"What could I possibly say to her after what I've done?"

Kyōraku waved him down, "I'm sure the moment you see her you'll know."

Hitsugaya flopped down onto the floor besides the table. Grabbing a cup he poured himself some sake and drank. "See her? See her! I had the opportunity and froze. Damn it Shunsui you came and rescued me, remember?"

Ukitake poured him another drink, setting the sake to the side, "Give Ran-chan some credit. We're sure she will forgive you."

"And if things don't work out," Kyōraku raising his cup in to toast, "We have a whole week to help you forget."

"That's what I'm afraid of," Hitsugaya admitted before quickly drinking down the sake and heading out. The running was soon coming to and end.


	9. Chapter 9

His steps slowed as the 10th division building came into view. A few members of his squad greeted him in passing until at last reaching his destination. Unlike the last time he could sense that she was inside. He pressed his ear against the door, faintly hearing her pace the room. Then all became quiet.

The apprehension she felt earlier in the day had faded with each passing hour. Replacing it was the fear that perhaps he didn't want to see her. That perhaps he was purposely avoiding her. Hadn't he forced her out that night at the 4th division? How could she ever forget the iciness in his eyes, staring at her, accusing her of some malicious misdeed? His voice had been frigid, angry, unforgiving. An uncontrollable shiver ran through her body as she remembers.

But that still didn't make her stop wondering, "Where are you, taicho?"

Just hearing her voice made his heart race. He grabbed at his chest as the wound beneath his palm throbbed lightly. Willing the pain to go away he inhaled deeply to relax his beating heart, and calm his body. Straightening up he stared at his office door with a sense of déjà vu.

It was ironic that he found himself in the exact same position he was in earlier this morning. This time, however, was different. He had no choice but to confront her. The door to the office quietly slid open.

There was a break in his stride, steps faltering at the entrance. If the sound of her voice had made his heart race, then finally seeing her made his soul ache. She was standing by the window unbeknownst of his presence. The back drop of the setting sun silhouetted her lithe frame. The sunlight radiated off of her strawberry blonde locks basking her in an alluring glow. If it was possible Hitsugaya would have happily stood there until the end of time just admiring her. Damn it she was breathtaking.

Hitsugaya willed in his infamous control only to have it shatter when she spoke, her whispering plea tugging at his heart, "What did I do that was so wrong?" The shame of his actions came back, weighing on his heart.

Their reunion was long overdue and Hitsugaya was still trying to figure out what he was going to say.

Slamming the door shut startled her from her daze. Astonished blue eyes widen in surprise. He knew it was unnecessary but it had been unfair that the mere sight of her made him feel off balance while she appeared so in control of herself. Her hand, petite and perfect, lay over her racing heart. "Taicho," she breathlessly responded.

They both knew the moment was coming but neither expected what they were going to say when it finally did. How do you start after weeks of uncertainty and heartache? The tension was growing thicker and the silence longer.

When at last Hitsugaya said, "Sorry I'm late, Matsumoto." He walked pass her, careful not to brush against her. Pulling his chair back he noted his favorite cup lying atop his desk filled to the brim with green tea. He could tell it was cold from the lack of steam. Other things he noticed were the lack of paperwork on his desk.

Instead, two piles were neatly stacked atop hers. The ink bottle which was rarely touched by his fukutaicho was more or less empty. Her brush, which had rolled dangerously close to the edge, lay wet and used.

During his quiet assessment Matsumoto stood rooted in place. A myriad of emotions were running through her mind. After weeks of suffering and torture of not knowing what she had done to acquire his ire all he could say was 'Sorry I'm late'?

She could hear the sound of his chair skidding across the floor as he pulls it forward to sit at his desk.

"Matsumoto,"

She turns to him expectant eyes wide in anticipation, "Yes taicho?"

Even now, while she physically stood in front of him, Hitsugaya was finding it difficult to express what he needed to say. He knew he was being unreasonable and his heart was chastising him for his lack of nerve. He could see the pleading look in her eyes, begging him to explain what had happen that night. To repair the rift that had been caused by the slip of one solitary name.

Hitsugaya knew he was being unfair punishing her for his lack of control over his emotions. Yes they had kissed but could he really blame her? Hold her responsible over something she knew nothing about? The woman was drunk, half asleep, and from his earlier assessment that night, dreaming. It was only until she whispered _his _name did he understand who she was thinking about.

Knowing that, Hitsugaya realized that he couldn't tell her the truth behind his reckless behavior. Couldn't tell her how he truly felt about her. It was very clear that Gin will always have her heart. What was the point in exposing himself to her rejection? He didn't want her pity. No, his love was going to remain unknown and worse, unrequited.

"I-I want to apologize. My recent behavior towards you was uncalled for. I'm sorry. It won't happen again." Taking his cup he forced down the cold tea in hopes to occupy his mouth with something else besides talking.

'And?' her mind screamed.

'Was that all he was going to say?' She wondered, running a hand through her hair. 'This wasn't all he had to say, was it?' The moment his cup grew empty Hitsugaya began shuffling through his drawers, busying himself once again instead of addressing the real problem that lay between them.

'No,' she protested, aware of what he was trying to avoid. She needed explanations. She needed answers. If he was so willing to brush the incident off as some sort of temper tantrum; than he had another thing coming. If he wasn't so forthcoming with the answers, then she was going to find a way to pry it out of him.

She stood in front of his desk hands firmly planted on top. "Taicho," Demanding his attention only to have him eluded eye contact. "Taicho I know something happened that night. I know we..."

"Matsumoto," He cut her off reluctant to revisit such a painful episode of his life.

Was he finally going to stop being so stubborn?

"N-never mind. I-I'll finish up the rest of the paperwork. You may take the rest of the day off."

She didn't know what infuriated her more. The fact that he could be so enamored with doing work instead of discussing what had happened between them or the way he so subtly dismissed her. Again he refused to look at her.

An angry huff escapes her lips as she pushes away. From the corner of his eye he could see her walking towards her desk picking up the small stack of paper. He held his breath in hopes that she'd just leave.

"Here," she exclaimed resisting the urge to slap him with it. The sheaf of papers slewed across his desk as she threw them. She waited for a reaction and when he remained impassive she did something drastic. His favorite cup hurled across the room, shattering into pieces as it hit the wall.

"What the hell are you doing?" Hitsugaya jumped from his seat seeing where his cup had left a dent.

"I'm expressing myself," she retorted.

"By you being destructive?"

"How else was I going to get your attention?"

"What do you want from me Matsumoto?"

Disbelief marred her beautiful face, "What do you think I want taicho?"

Hitsugaya's shoulders slumped in defeat, "I said I was sorry. Can't we just forget about it?"

"No!"

"Why?"

"I've been living through this nightmare for the past two weeks. Trying to understand what happened. To understand why you would run off like that and nearly getting yourself killed."

"Matsumoto please," he begged not wanting to remember. Didn't she understand it was killing him inside?

"No, you are going to listen to what I have to say. How can you expect me to forget, taicho? For three days, three," she stresses her point by holding up her fingers, "you lay unconscious. And during that whole time I lay awake terrified. Then," her voice grew louder, her actions more animated as she paces back and forth in front of him, "I hear that you're awake. I was ecstatic, beyond relief because you were alive."

She turns away, her back facing him. "After such a hellishly long wait I finally get to see you. To see, for myself, that you were okay. That I no longer have to worry that I had lost you too."

Though he stood impassive his emotions were running rampant inside especially after hearing the last few words. It triggered memories he so wanted to erase.

_Whether you like it or not Ichimaru Gin will always have a place in Ran-chan's life._

Gin's voice and the picture of his smug face rattled in his mind.

_She'll never love you_

_I hold her heart_

Her voice pulled him from his inner turmoil. "Imagine the welcome I get when I do see you taicho." She whirls around, tears ready to fall. He hung his head in shame.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

Matsumoto continued on as if she didn't hear him, "We've had our fights before but the way you treated me that night…."

He said it again, "I'm sorry Matsumoto. How many more times do you want me to say it?"

Matsumoto shook her head. Making her way behind the desk she took his face in her hands. 'When had he gotten so tall?' Having grown so much made Matsumoto realize exactly what she had missed while she kept her distance from him. He was a good four inches taller than her and even with his head lowered she could still see his face. She urged him to look at her, really look at her. When he finally did his eyes was the same shade it had been that night; tired and gloomy.

"I don't care if you're sorry, taicho. I want to understand why you hate me."

He tried to pull away but she firmly held onto him. "I don't hate you, Matsumoto."

"Then why?" She said without realizing that she was pulling his face closer to hers, "Tell me why I've been miserable for weeks, feeling that I had done something so terrible that you had to stay away."

"Please Matsumoto don't ask me." His eyes instinctively sliding shut as she draws him closer. He could practically taste the air around her she was that close.

Sweet

Heady

Intoxicating

'Damn it. Not again,' he cursed. His senses were overloading as she surrounds him.

"Tell me what I did that was so wrong taicho."

It was like a splash of cold water thrown across his face. Letting out a heavy sigh Hitsugaya ran his hands along her arms until they encircled her wrists. Pulling at them he opened his eyes to stare into hers, his voice ominous. "What do you remember about that night, Matsumoto?" He kept his distance while he waited for an answer because just being near her was making him lightheaded.

Matsumoto swayed unsteadily when the space Hitsugaya had been occupying suddenly became empty. She was surprised that he had such an effect on her. Clearing her throat she tried not to blush as she remembers their shared kiss.

"Well?" He crossed his arms while he waited.

"We kissed," she finally said.

"Is that all you remember?"

"Isn't that enough that we did?"

"No"

Matsumoto was annoyingly frustrated now, "I'm sorry but please excuse me. I was drunk and half asleep." It was her turn to become defensive, "What else do you want me to say?"

"That was the problem the first time," he muttered under his breath but Matsumoto heard it.

"Damn it taicho why can't you just tell me. _You're_ the one with all the answers _I'm _the one in the dark. Stop being so damn stubborn and tell me."

It was like asking him the impossible; to bare his heart, his soul. Was he ready to confess? Regardless of his earlier vow of emotional solitude Hitsugaya realized that his secret was slowly slipping from his grasp.

The prolonged silence was getting to her. Throwing her hands in the air she yelled, "I can't take this any more taicho." She walked up to him poking him in the chest with her finger mindful of his injuries, "You don't want to share, fine. Keep your secrets. I don't care anymore." Walking away she didn't see the dejected look on his face.

She was already out the door when he said aloud, "Do you think it's been easy for me?" When Matsumoto didn't return Hitsugaya wondered if he had the courage to chase her down but seeing her fingers gripping the door frame he continued on. "Especially knowing what I do?"

"You want me to tell you what happened but you have no idea how hard it is for me to say it."

Matsumoto reappeared leaning against the doorframe, arms cross. He was willing her to listen yet not say anything in return. She pursed her lips and nodded to his unspoken request. Swallowing the lump in his throat Hitsugaya gathered what little resolve he had left. Trusting that it won't waver throughout this whole ordeal.

It was so strange to see the once confident Hitsugaya taicho revert back to the scared little boy she had encountered all those years ago. Matsumoto had to wonder what he was so afraid of. She watched wide-eyed as he came closer. "I never intended to hurt you, Rangiku." Her breath hitched when he said her name.

"It was just so painful looking at you especially with what had happened still so fresh in my mind."

Matsumoto couldn't remain quiet any longer. She couldn't stand the painful ache in his voice. "Taicho please…"

Silencing her with his lips wasn't exactly what he had initially planned when he tried to stop her from talking. But Hitsugaya figured if he was baring himself to her than he might as well take some liberties. Matsumoto didn't respond at first but as his soft lips molded against hers it didn't take her long to overcome her surprise. Just as she was becoming addicted to his kisses Hitsugaya pulls away.

"Who am I, Rangiku?"

Matsumoto was still so dizzy from his kiss that she didn't understand at first. "What?"

Tracing her lower lip with his thumb he asks her again, "Who just kissed you, Rangiku?"

She frowned at him. What was the point in asking such a stupid question?

"Taicho…"

"Please just answer the question."

"You," she said cupping his cheek, "Toushirou."

A sad smile appeared on his face. For a brief second he leaned into her touch before pulling her hand away. "You were right. We did kiss that night. But," stepping back from her, "It wasn't me that you were kissing."

She was getting a headache, "Taicho you're confusing me."

"You were dreaming. I tried to wake you but instead…" a faint shade of pink highlighted his cheeks.

"We kissed," Matsumoto finished for him amused as he blushed.

Her amusement quickly died as he said, "You called me Gin after you kissed me."

"_I hate to remind you Rangiku but something else besides kissing must have happened to make him angry at you."_

Nanao's words echoed in her ear and she finally understood. What she had done was worse than a slap to the face.

"I-I didn't know." She beseeched as he pulls away. Shaking his head, "How could you have known? You were asleep, remember."

"I'm sorry taicho. If I had known…"

"Save it Matsumoto. I'm not asking for your pity." Schooling his features to remain impassive, "You wanted to know what happened so I told you. Now that you know we can put his incident aside and move on."

Turning away from her Hitsugaya stalks towards the window. Frowning at his sudden change in behavior she follows him. Pulling at his shoulder she attempts to turn him around. When he doesn't budge Matsumoto wedges herself between him and the window. She tugs the lapels of his haori in hopes to capture his attention. He gazes out the window to watch the setting sun, a desolate sigh escaping his lips. When it finally disappears behind the horizon Hitsugaya stares down at her.

She knew him well enough to understand the vacant expression belied what he was really feeling. There's a saying about the eyes being the window to a person's soul. Searching his Matsumoto took a peek inside stunned to see turmoil conveying behind them.

"This has nothing to do with pity taicho. I am sorry things turned out the way they did." She tried to console him but it was becoming difficult when he was stubborn. Matsumoto was increasingly becoming frustrated, yanking angrily at his haori. "You want us to move on but how can you assume it's possible when there are so many things left unsaid between us?"

Hitsugaya never entertained the idea that she would accept him and return his feelings. He'd be fooling himself and all the heartache he'd have to endure would be his fault. Instead he decides to settle for this brief moment with her. Hitsugaya places his hands on her hips. She doesn't resist as he pulls her closer to his body. He leans down, resting his forehead against hers. Closing his eyes he says, "It doesn't matter now. Even if I tell you everything nothing will change and nothing good will come out of it."

The resonating sound of her soft voice pleading with him, "How can you be so sure?"

He felt defeated, tried, and emotionally drained.

"Where do I stand in your life Rangiku?"


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: My humblest apologizes. I do hope this will make up for the wait. I think we've had enough angst. So let's start moving on to the romance. Enjoy ;)

* * *

'_Where do I stand in your life, Rangiku?'_

A glint of mischief flashes in her sea blue eyes as a sly grin appears on her face. "Silly Taicho," she'd say to him. "You belong here," taking one of his hands she'd guide it to her chest, laying it over her heart.

It would have been a picture perfect moment. She'd cradle his face between her small hands; pulling him closer. Her lips would softly brush against his as she murmurs her answer to his question and say those words he'd yearn to hear for so long.

"I love you, my Toushirou."

And after a moments pause because he would be unsure if he had heard her correctly Hitsugaya would beg her to say it again. She'd giggle at his request but indulge him by not only repeating her confession but pouring all of her emotions into a kiss that conveyed just how much. Leaving no doubt in his mind that Matsumoto Rangiku loves Hitsugaya Toushirou.

It would have been a beautiful moment indeed if it had really happened that way. Unfortunately the universe isn't perfect and Hitsugaya's dream didn't come true. The lone figure sat quietly in the darkness of his office. The heavy tension that had lingered in the air finally began to fade away leaving a blanket of disappointment in its wake. This was the heartache he had wanted to avoid and the painful truth was that it could have been prevented if he had remained quiet about how he felt for _her_.

Why did he have to say _those words_ to her? Why did he have to _ask_ in the first place?

Leaning back into his chair, Hitsugaya stared at the scarf he held in his hands. Even in the desolate room the pink fabric shone brightly in the darkness. A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. 'Much like the owner,' he thought. Even from the beginning Matsumoto had always been his guiding beacon. But after tonight who knows which way their relationship will turn. Had his logical mind not warned him of the consequences?

Swallowing the lump in his throat he brought the scarf to his nose savoring the sweet perfume of her essence. He touched the silk softness to his lips, remembering how her lips felt against his. Burying his face in the scarf Hitsugaya replays the scene where he had lost his heart.

_His words lingered in the air and it didn't take a genius to figure out the meaning in them. Although his eyes remained closed Hitsugaya could feel her body tense beneath his hands. There was no doubt the stunned expression was on her face too. Grateful that he wasn't looking at her Matsumoto took the time to truly study the man before her. _

_A small gasp escaped Hitsugaya's lips as he felt her hands on his face. Giving her free rein to do what she wanted Hitsugaya remained still afraid that the slightest movement would ruin the moment. Matsumoto closed her eyes and began tracing his face with her fingers like a blind man reading Braille. She took in every detail. Her fingers started from the arch of his brows, down alongside the strong line of his jaw noting the rough stubble of hair shadowing his cheek, until finally they settled over his lips. _

_No longer was he the confused boy she had ran into all those years ago. Nor was he the cute little taicho she would hug senseless and tease till no end. No, the person that stood before her was not that boy but instead a man who had grown up to become the respected taicho of the 10__th__ division. Here was a man that had stood besides her as an equal through the good and worst of times. Never had he strayed from her nor had decided to leave her behind unlike someone she once knew. Here was a man that had some how wormed his way into her heart. But could she admit to herself and to him that he had a place there?_

_Unable to maintain motionless under her curious touches Hitsugaya cautiously opened his eyes to look down at the woman who had unknowingly captured his heart. He was surprised to see that a tear had escaped leaving a wet trail along her beautiful face. He ran his thumb to wipe away the evidence. _

"_Rangiku,"_

_The feel of his hand upon her cheek pulled her from her daze and the sound of his hoarse whisper made her open her eyes. As she looked up she was overwhelmed by the crystalline teal colored eyes inadvertently pleading with her to see the unspoken love that he was offering. _

_Had Gin ever looked at her like that? Had he not been so selfish would he have been willing to given himself completely over to her like Hitsugaya was ready to do so now?_

_The sudden thought of Gin and Nanao's words doused her like a bucket of iced water. Her whole body began to tremble and her heart was pounding uncontrollably against her chest. Looking up at him she finally understood what Nanao meant. There was uncertainty that shone brightly in his eyes. And although Gin was gone he still held her heart. Or so she thought….Could she possibly move on with Hitsugaya?_

_Her mind was whirling and it was making her dizzy. Swallowing the lump in her throat she finally decided what she needed to do. More tears began to fall and Hitsugaya was unsure what to think of this. Matsumoto pulled his face down to capture his mouth. The kiss was passionate but rough and urgent. It was the type of kiss you'd give to someone you love just before saying goodbye. _

_She was going to walk away and he knew it. Scared out of his mind Hitsugaya pulled her against him, encompassing her body within his arms, hoping to secure any means of escape. 'I can't lose her now,' he kept repeating to himself. The kiss was bittersweet and Matsumoto wasn't sure if it was her tears she tasted or his. _

_With what little strength she had left Matsumoto pulled away. He tried to kiss her again but she turned away. It had hurt and Hitsugaya realized that his worst fears were coming true. _

'_She'll never love you…..' Gin's taunting words had solidified right before his eyes. _

_His grip loosened and Matsumoto immediately pulled away. He wanted to pull her back but instead wrapped his fingers around the scarf that hung around her shoulders. _

"_Rangiku…"_

"_Taicho don't…" _

_Her words were like a trigger and there was a sudden emptiness where his heart used to be. The void slowly began to spread throughout his body like some disease. _

"_Is that all I am to you, Matsumoto? Can I be nothing more to you than just your taicho?" He implored one last time even though he already knew the answer. _

_She chanced a glance at his face and quickly regretted it. In the wake of her rejection was the stoic persona that was Hitsugaya taicho. She hated this side of him and worse off she hated herself for being the reason why he was. _

_Matsumoto attempted to move closer to him but like a wounded animal Hitsugaya moved back. Her heart wanted her to explain to him that she was scared. That she needed some time to sift through this unexpected turn in their relationship. But her words were caught in her throat. Instead she took the coward's way out. "I'm sorry," she whispered before running out. _

_Leaving Hitsugaya alone leaving behind the pink scarf he held in his hand. _

Pulling the scarf from his face Hitsugaya examined the material. The color was beginning to fade and the ends were lightly frayed. He bunched it up into a messy ball and on the way out of the office tossed it haphazardly into the wastebasket near his desk.

* * *

Nanao had just released the hell butterfly when the door to her office slid open. Assuming it was her taicho Nanao didn't bother to turn around to greet him. Glancing at the wall clock she threw over her shoulder, "Honestly you can't already be drunk, taicho."

"You were right, Nanao."

Nanao whorled around, surprised to see her friend standing in the doorway. Matsumoto stood there arms wrapped around her waist, shoulders slumped, and eyes red from crying. Rushing to her side Nanao took hold of her friend's arm and led her to the couch. Disappearing for only a moment Nanao returned with a tray full of tea. After settling down she urged Matsumoto to take a few sips to calm down.

Matsumoto lowered her cup onto her lap. She looked down to stare into her cup. The tranquil surface rippled as a teardrop fell from Matsumoto's chin. Nanao took the cup from Matsumoto placing it onto the table. Reaching out she grabs hold of her friend's hands, lightly squeezing them.

"What happened?"

Matsumoto stared blankly at Nanao. Her eyes glazed over as the events of what transpired began to replay in her mind. She felt Nanao squeeze her hands again, encouraging her. Swallowing the lump in her throat Matsumoto spoke, "You were right."

"When am I ever wrong, Ran?" Nanao teased hoping to lighten the mood just a little.

A small smile tugged at the corner of Matsumoto's mouth but it wasn't enough to wash away the hurtful pang in her heart. "Well I finally found out what _really_ happened that night."

Nanao's curiosity was killing her. With Hitsugaya taicho's odd behavior and her friend's depressed state it had been a trying few weeks.

"And…"

Matsumoto buried her face into her hands, "I broke his heart."

* * *

"You know Toushirou," Shunsui called from inside of the hotel suite, "There's nothing out there but rain." Hitsugaya ignored the man's comment and remained out on the balcony. It would have been a breathtaking view if it wasn't indeed obscured by the thick streams of raindrops. "Yare, yare, it looked like it would have been such a promising day too if it didn't suddenly rain." Shunsui said as he joined Hitsugaya. "Oye," bumping his shoulder, "Toushirou are you sure you're not the cause of the weather."

Hitsugaya arched his brow at Shunsui, "Although it does suit my current mood Shu-kun. I can personally guarantee that I am not the one responsible for the rain." He slapped the man's back as he headed back inside. Regardless that they were already here for five days it always amazes Hitsugaya the lavishness of the hotel suite Ukitake had acquired for their week stay in the living world.

_On their first day of arrival Hitsugaya had questioned Ukitake but the man adamantly refuses to answer his questions. "Do not worry yourself over it, Toushirou-kun. Relax and enjoy your punishment." They would share a few laughs but that didn't stop the 10__th__ division taicho from uncovering the mystery (because seriously who wouldn't be curious as to how Ukitake Jyuushiro was able to get the best room in the finest hotel in the heart of the city). So instead he turns to the other man in question. "Shunsui what do you know about this?" _

_That lazy smile would appear, "Let's just say that not all of Juu-kun's many love affairs ended in heartache." He winked and left it at that._

Seeing as he wasn't going to get any answers Hitsugaya was forced to enjoy himself and much to his surprise he actually did. And true to their vow that night, both men did their best to make Hitsugaya forget his painful situation with a certain fukutaicho. But unknown to the young man, both men also made a secret vow amongst themselves to help resolve the rift between Hitsugaya and Matsumoto.

"So," Shunsui said aloud, coming in from the balcony, "What are the plans for today?"

Rubbing his hands together in delight Ukitake excitedly spoke, "Yes well although we are limited to what we can accomplish due to unforeseen circumstances with the weather, I've heard that there is a masquerade party taking place in one of clubs here in the hotel."

"Now that sounds like fun. Don't you think Toushirou?"

"A masquerade party at a club?" Hitsugaya scowled at the idea. Although they had been here for nearly a week not once had they taken him to any type of club. Sure they've been to bars and such but never a, Hitsugaya gulped nervously, to a dance club. He was never comfortable in places with large crowds, than again he was never comfortable with many people except with his division, family, the twins here, and…_her_.

Seeing the worried look on his face Shunsui quickly placed his arm around Hitsugaya's shoulder reassuring him. "Don't worry Shiro-chan." Hitsugaya glared up at the man, "We'll have so much fun. Besides we'll be wearing mask so there is nothing to worry about. No one is going to recognize you."

"Recognize me? Who would…" Before Hitsugaya could finish his question Ukitake interrupted. "Say Shun did you make that call you were supposed to?"

Their nonverbal expression was making Hitsugaya curious. 'What are they up to?'

"Yes, yes, the call. Excuse me," Shunsui went back out to the balcony this time sliding the glass door shut.

Hitsugaya turns a questioning gaze towards Ukitake. "Yes, um, while Shu-kun is taking care of that we should plan on where we should go shopping in preparation for tonight."

"Shopping? Shopping for what?"

"For clothes of course."

"We have enough clothes. Why spend any more money on it?"

"Because Toushirou-kun one of the key aspects when going to a night club is that you dress up to impress…."

"Impress? Impress who?"

For the first time Hitsugaya bore witness to the mischievous grin appearing on Ukitake's face. He winked and said, "The beautiful ladies of course." With that said Ukitake buried his head in a shopping directory that he held in his hand.

Hitsugaya slapped his forehead and dropped down onto one of the plush chairs. He could feel the looming headache coming on. If he wasn't already nervous about going to a club he was now petrified on what tonight was going to bring.

Leaning his head back, Hitsugaya closes his eyes and for a brief moment let his thoughts wonder to _her_ and what she was doing.

*^*


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: I do hope this makes up for the long wait. Real life, work, and a mean case of writer's block all rolled into one kept me from working on this story. But I was able to over come. Enjoy. ^.^

~ ! ~

Déjà vu.

She's done this before. Hasn't she?

Sat quietly near a window, looking out but not really seeing? Mind seeking answers to questions that possibly there were no real answers to.

Yes she has.

A number of times to be exact.

Because of Gin.

Because with every back turned, with every step taken, and with every unspoken goodbye she had to watch him walk away from what they had built, what they had shared.

A life _together_, _forever_.

'_You coulda kept holdin' a lil' longer.'_

Gin's words from so long ago rang accusingly in her ears.

Sigh

A gathering of clouds threatens to overtake the sky above. Leaning her head against the cool pane of glass Matsumoto closes her eyes to the ensuing storm. She doesn't need to see what was going to happen next. The clouds would turn the sky gray and gloomy. And, if it was bad enough, the air will cackle with thunder and lighting. Then, because _it is bad_, rain will fall. She chose not to watch because it reminded her too much of _him_. And if she thinks about him it will only remind her the heartaches of the past few weeks.

Heavy rains poured rigorously against the window. The constant tapping of rain hitting the glass echoed in the empty room. Lulling Matsumoto into a state where realism fades and fantasy slips in.

~!~

_Matsumoto stood alone in a barren terrain devoid of life. The skeletal remains of trees, weathered and dead, align one side of the deserted path while on the other a hill of dirt and stones. She surveys the area and realizes the familiarity of the land. _

"_No," she whispers, "It can't be." _

"_It is, Ran-chan" His breath brushing against her ear as strong arms encircles her from behind. Matsumoto resists the urge to turn around. She doesn't need to. She knows the body pressed intimately against her back. This place, this very spot where they stood is where he found her. Starving and barely hanging on. He offered her food. Feed her till she was so full she felt that she was going to burst. Offered his friendship. Nourished it till the day came where they weren't just friends anymore. Then he offered just enough of himself to keep her wanting, to keep her his. _

_Always his. _

_Gin swept her hair aside to plant a tiny kiss to her exposed neck. "__**My **__Ran-chan," Was all he said before tightening his hold. Matsumoto trailed her hand along his arm before entwining her fingers with this. She closes her eyes to savor the moment. A single tear trails down her cheek. She misses this, misses him. _

_This encounter, this brief respite soothes the dull ache in her heart left by his death. _

"_Please don't let this be a dream," she prays to any god that would listen to her._

_Matsumoto lets herself become lost in the moment until Gin lets her go. Confuse she turns around. The mask he'd show to the world is gone. Here stood the man she fell in love with. Her savior, her friend, her lover. He looks at her. His eyes, now open, pleads with her. His voice is soft and sincere. _

"_Come wit me Ran-chan."_

"_Where?" _

_He doesn't say but grabs her left hand instead. Something was wrong. She could tell by the way his body tensed so suddenly. There was an urgency as he tugs at her hand. Pulling her, urging her to move as if they were being chased. She was about to take a step when someone grabs her other arm. _

_She doesn't turn to see who it is. Not that she needed to. He was just as familiar to her as Gin was, just not as intimately. And to her surprise she was disappointed by that. Oh how she misses him too. _

"_Don't go," There was no mistaking the ache in his voice, "Please."_

_She was taken by surprise when she finally turns to look a him. "Taicho?"_

_Hitsugaya stands before her in an ethereal form. Unable to believe her eyes, Matsumoto tugs at her left arm but Gin refuses to let go. Instead she run her fingers of her right hand along Hitsugaya's arm only to have it pass through. She tries it again. Nothing. She begins to panic. Absently she squeezes Gin's hand just to be sure. She lets out a sigh of relief that she can still feel him. _

_Hitsugaya doesn't miss the triumphant smile on the other man's face._

_Her reassurance of Gin doesn't quell the uneasiness of Hitsugaya's state. Why can't she touch him?_

"_Taicho,"_

_Hitsugaya flinches at the word. Never in his time serving as a taicho has he ever hated being called one… until now. He realizes now that being here was a mistake. Before Matsumoto could say anything else Hitsugaya speaks,_

"_I shouldn't have come," he says. His hold on her arm was waning. "I was a damn fool to think otherwise."_

"_But taicho…"_

_Hitsugaya shook his head, "I can never exist __**here**__, can I Rangiku?"_

"_I don't understand?" She doesn't like the tone in his voice. Or the way his form was becoming faint before her eyes. Or the hurt in his eyes. She could feel her chest tightening with worry._

_Taking her hand he guides it over his chest. "My heart aches to be with you, Rangiku. You will forever exist here," he presses her hand against his body only to stop when her hand goes through him. He leans his head forward to rest his forehead against hers. "I love you more than you can ever realize." _

"_But here," He places his hand over her heart. "I will never have a place here." _

"_That's not true." Matsumoto whispers. Tears, unable to hold much longer, fall freely from her eyes. 'Why are you saying this to me?' she wants to scream at him but the lump in her throat makes it impossible._

"_I. don't. exist. here. I can't."_

"_No," she shakes her head, her voice weak. _

"_Perhaps a part of you wants me here but…" his voice trails off. "Sometimes I wonder," He begins to say looking into her eyes then travels to the other man besides her. "Does she regret not holding on to you? If you had asked her would she have left me behind to be with you?"_

_A scornful disbelief appears on Matsumoto's face. "Ta-taicho,"_

"_Perhaps it should have been me who died that day on the field instead of you."_

_With every painful remark Hitsugaya's image was becoming faint. As if he was slowly disappearing. "NO! How dare you say that. You can't say that!" _

"_Why?" Even his voice was fading, "I'm nothing but your taicho. That is all I will ever be to you." Spreading his arms out he looks around, "I don't belong here." He starts to back away, "I have no place with you, Matsumoto Rangiku." She wants to hold on to him, wants to pull him back but it was like trying to grasp the wind._

_She shook her head vehemently, "That's not true," her lips trembling, face wet from tears._

_He captures her face between his hands. "Can you feel this? Can you feel me?"_

_Matsumoto tries to lean into his hand but only felt the barest of touches._

_He leans forward, "You can't can you? But you can feel him holding on to you." _

_This can't be happening. _

"_No," she protests, "No, please don't leave taicho."_

"_A part of you isn't enough for me, Rangiku. I want all of you, I need all of you. It isn't fair to leave myself exposed to you. When you won't do the same. Good-bye, Matsumoto Rangiku." _

_The image of Hitsugaya's retreating back was tearing at her heart. _

_The ache was unbearable._

_This pain doesn't compare to anything she's been through. Not even the loss of Gin felt this raw. _

_She wants to move, to scream, to do anything to stop him from leaving her. _

_But she can't because she's frozen, anchored here in __**this**__ place. _

"_Let em' go," she hears Gin say._

_She's forced to watch Hitsugaya leave._

_Déjà vu_

_This has happened to her before. A number of time to be exact. Because of Gin. _

"_No"_

_Except the man that was leaving her wasn't Gin. _

"_I can't"_

_The silhouette of Hitsugaya was barely visible. _

"_I won't lose him." _

_This time it was going to be different. Matsumoto was going to do something she's never attempted when Gin left her all those times. No, this time wasn't going to watch him leave, she was going to chase after him. _

_She tugs at the hand Gin is holding. He steps forward until they are facing each other. _

_Matsumoto reaches up to caress the side of Gin's face, "Thank you." His arrogant smirk wavered against the seriousness of her tone. _

"_Watcha thankin' me fo'?" Gin frowns. The expression so foreign on his face. _

"_For sharing a side of yourself that you've kept hidden to the world with me." And from that Gin knew what Matsumoto was going to do._

_Gin shook his head. His hands desperately holding onto her hand. "Jus a lil' longer' Ran-chan." _

"_You said you were sorry. That __**I **__should have held on to __**you**__. When the fact is Gin," She pulls free from his hold and steps back. "__**You **__were the one that __**let go**__." _

"_Ran-chan no," he begs all the while trying to grab a hold of her. Just when he thinks he's got her his hands passes right through her. He looks at his hands, then down at himself. He was fading before her eyes. "Ran-chan don' go!"_

_She turns her back to him and begins to walk away. The first few steps were shaky but kept on going. In the background she can hear Gin screaming her name. A light breeze blows gently across her face and all is silent. _

_Gin is gone. _

"_Good-bye Gin." She says upon the wind. A courtesy he's never given her. _

_~ ! ~_

_Matsumoto pushed herself through the unrelenting rain. She ran, she shunpoed, she did everything to get to him. Her soaked clothes were becoming heavy. Her hair was plastered against her face, and the heavy torrents was making it hard to see. But never did her strides falter. She continues to splash through puddles until the predominate ten symbol on the back of his haori could be seen. The sudden thrill in her heart drummed rapidly against her chest. _

_With another burst of energy Matsumoto pumps her legs to move faster until finally he's in reach. _

"_Hitsugaya taicho I order you to stop where you are!" She yells at him._

_He does what she orders but doesn't turn around. _

"_What do you want Matsumoto fukutaicho?" He calls over his shoulder. _

_She doesn't let his icy formality deter her from her goal. She walks towards him, each step brings her closer. _

"_You're wrong you know." She says aloud. _

_Hitsugaya crosses his arms, "About what?" _

"_That I don't see you." _

_She takes a step closer. _

"_That you don't exist here." _

_Another step. _

"_That all you are to me is my taicho."_

_One last step and she's standing behind him. _

_He heaves out a sigh. "Please Matsumoto don't…" his words stop when he feels her resting her head against his back. She can feel him. _

"_I do have a place for you." She interrupts him. _

"_Where?" His question barely above a whisper. _

"_Here," She wraps her arms around his waist, pulling his body flushed against hers. _

_He was too shocked that his mind was slow in comprehending what was going on. His body had solidified. He was getting soaked from the rain. And the woman of his dreams was holding him in her arms. Hitsugaya was at loss for words. _

"_There is one more place where you belong." She mumbles against his back. When he doesn't speak Matsumoto makes her way to stand in front of him._

_Hitsugaya just stands there, still unable to grasp that she was here with him. _

_The silence was getting to Matsumoto. She runs a hand through her damp locks when suddenly she feels self-conscious. She must look like a fright standing there in her current state. As if reading her mind Hitsugaya murmurs, "Your beautiful."_

_Matsumoto bites her lower lip, satisfied at his words. She moves confidently closer to him. "Come on taiiichoo," there was that sing-song tone she would use to taunt him. "Take a guess."_

_She takes control of his body. Grabbing his arms she wraps them around her waist. _

"_Wanna hint, taiicho?" _

_Her hands travels up his body. Her left arm snakes around his shoulder, her fingers threading into his hair. Pulling him forward until he rest his forehead against hers. _

"_Now you're just teasing me." She laughs at his response. _

"_Please Rangiku, tell me." He pleads. _

"_Here," she slips her hand beneath the layers of clothes until she feels the smooth expanse of his chest. She doesn't bother hiding the delighted smile as she feels the speedy beating of his heart pounding beneath her palm._

"_In my heart as I belong in yours."_

_Hitsugaya doesn't believe what he's hearing. His mind still ringing with doubts. "Rangiku…"_

_She silences him with a kiss._

_Pulling away just enough for her lips to brush against his, "You have all of me, Toushirou."_

_The storm dissipated into a light drizzle and the clouds parted to reveal the bluest of skies._

~ ! ~

"Oye Toushirou-kun,"

Hitsugaya opens his eyes to see Shunsui and Ukitake heading towards him. He's confused at first but then quickly remembers. They had agreed, meaning both Shunsui and Ukitake decides to drag Hitsugaya out of the hotel room, to go on a little shopping spree. While out he had felt the oncoming pangs of a headache and decided to opt out of a bit. He headed into a nearby coffee shop and waited while the twins continued their shopping.

"Are you all right?" Ukitake asked noticing the confused frown on Hitsugaya's face.

Shaking his head he replies, "Yeah I guess I must have dozed off for a minute."

"Oh, did it help with your headache?"

"Actually," Hitsugaya stands from the table, "its gone."

"You look surprise there Toushirou." Shunsui mentions while eyeing out the young man. There was something…different about him. He looks at Ukitake no doubt he too was noticing the sudden change in Hitsugaya.

"I feel," what was the right word he was looking for, "rejuvenated….some how."

Not wanting to dwell on it any further Ukitake claps his hands and cheerfully says, "Wonderful Shiro-kun. Why don't we find a place for lunch and then finish up our shopping."

"Sounds good to me." Hitsugaya shrugs his shoulders and heads out of the coffee shop. Ukitake and Shunsui bring up the rear.

As they exit they notice that the rain has stopped. Shunsui nudges Ukitake's shoulder signaling him to look at their young friend.

Hitsugaya had his face upturned towards the sky, his eyes close while basking in the sun's warm rays.

"Yare, yare, that must have been some nap." Shunsui whispers to his friend.

"Mmhmm…"

~ ! ~

Matsumoto doesn't want to wake up but the bright sunlight wouldn't have it any other way. Slowly she opens her eyes and is greeted by the clear blue sky. Although she's disappointed that what had transpired between Hitsugaya and herself was just a dream. Matsumoto has never felt this good in a long time.

"Oh Ran-chan you're awake. Did you have a nice nap?"

"Actually I did Orihime." Matsumoto looks around the apartment, "Where is Nanao?"

"She went out to grab us some lunch."

"Oh okay. So what's in the bags?"

Matsumoto got up to rummage through the different bags littering the floor. "Those are some of the dress Nanao-chan and I picked up for tonight."

Matsumoto wasn't aware the had any plan for the evening. "Oh? Where are we going?"

The door to Orihime's apartment opened. Nanao walks in with their lunches. "A masquerade party at a nearby club."

Matsumoto looked speculatively at Nanao. "We're going to a club?"

Settling the food down on the kitchen table Nanao ignored Matsumoto's question.

"Yup," Orihime chimed in instead.

Matsumoto still suspicious crosses the room until she's standing besides Nanao. "So how did you hear about this masquerade party…Nanao-chan?"

Not wanting to divulge any information about tonight Nanao vaguely answered, "A friend."

Quickly changing the subject Nanao focuses her attention on Matsumoto. She eyed her friend very closely and notices a slight change in her demeanor.

"What?"

Nanao shook her head, "Nothing. Here," she passes one of the bentos to Matsumoto.

"Oh I know Nanao-chan." Orihime waving her hand in the air as if she was in class.

Both looked at the young woman. "It was her nap. It made her feel all better."

"A nap?" Nanao fiddles with her glasses. Surely a little nap couldn't have changed Matsumoto's somber disposition. But as she looks over the rims of her glasses she could tell that Matsumoto seemed… happier.

"Must have been one hell of a nap," she mutters to herself.

~ ! ~


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Humblest apologizes for the wait. Just a little something. Enjoy =)

~!~

_So high tonight and I don't feel like coming down_

_I can lie to you all my days, But you're the one, you're the one_

_And I'm a fool for waiting so long to let you know … * Come Around by Rosi Golan_

~!~

The hour grew late as she stumbles upon a deserted park. Taking strides toward the playground Matsumoto sits upon an empty swing. Lightly she pushes off with her foot and rubbing of chains screeches softly in the stillness of the dark. She doesn't have the strength to continue the momentum. Soon she finds herself sitting in a swing alone in the park. Her only companion was the white mask she held listlessly between her fingers and the painful image of Hitsugaya kissing another woman.

_Three hours earlier…._

He wasn't sure what to expect as they arrived at the underground club. As he stepped through the entranceway he was instantly grateful for the little material covering part of his face. The pretense of the mask was a soothing balm to his apprehension. Beneath the mask his teal eyes duly noted the mass of people occupying the large room. Bars he could handle but a club was a different world Hitsugaya was not accustom to.

Strobes of colorful lights flashed in tune with the blaring beats of the music. The source of it all was the DJ station positioned in the center of the huge dance floor. As Hitsugaya obediently followed his friends through the crowd his logical mind was quickly trying to figure out how, regardless of how large the dance floor was, that many people can all fit. His eyes widen realizing just how _close _most of them were actually dancing together.

"Yare, yare…" Even in this loud atmosphere Hitsugaya could hear Shunsui, "Times have changed since the last time we've gone to a club Jyuu-kun."

Shunsui tapped Ukitake's shoulder focusing the other man's attention towards the dance floor. Ukitake's eyes widen in shock, "Oh my," his head tilts to the left, "She must be very flexible to be able to pull that off." Shunsui laughed at his friend's comment and the amazed expression on Hitsugaya's face. Wrapping an arm around each of their shoulders Shunsui said, "Come my friends lets begin our fun."

He pulled them towards the hostess that had lead them through the crowd and was now standing besides a large lounging area nestled nicely between the bar and the dance floor. Shaking himself from his stupor Hitsugaya frowns at the hostess. The place was packed both downstairs and upstairs. So how was that this spot hadn't been taken yet?

The hostess, who nonchalantly places her hand on Ukitake's arm, leans forward and starts speaking. "Uehara-san regrets that she will not be able to join you this evening but she does send her regards. Since you are her guests all your... _wants and needs _will be taken care of by the club. Enjoy the rest of your evening gentlemen." Slipping a small note in Ukitake's hand the hostess begins to walk away but not before giving him one last longing look over her shoulder.

Shunsui elbows Hitsugaya, "Told you he was a rogue with the ladies." Ukitake looks at the note and grins. He stuffs the hostess name and number in his pocket. Just as they were settling in a waiter stops by with three glasses of alcohol. Hitsugaya hesitantly reaches for one. Only being recently acquainted with sake he was a bit leery with this one. Looking down at the bottle nestled in container of ice he reads, 'Cristal'

He eyes the pristine gold liquid before cautiously taking a sip. Surprised at how well it tasted Hitsugaya takes a longer sip this time savoring how smooth it goes down his throat.

"This is really good," Ukitake and Shunsui share a knowing smile.

Ukitate raises his glass, "To a night full of fun," he toasts. All three men tap their glasses, "And surprises," Shunsui adds with a sly grin. As they drink Ukitake looks up to the second level making eye contact with another person who he had enlisted to help out with their little mission.

The woman above grinned at Ukitake before focusing her attention to the three women entering the club from across the room.

~!~

"Looks its Yoruichi-san," Orihime excitedly waved. Yoruichi motioned for them to join her. "Ran-chan will you stop dragging me my dress is riding up," Matsumoto slows her steps turning her head to look at her friend who had been fidgeting with the hem of her dress since they left Orihime's apartment.

"I still don't understand why you bought the dress if you were going to keep pulling at it." Matsumoto was surprised when Orihime showed her the dresses they were going to be wearing out.

"_Aren't they cute Ran-chan." Orihime held up the simple dress to show her. It was made of silk, its length stopped short above the knee. Its spaghetti straps hung thinly from the hanger. Just when Matsumoto thought it was a bit too plain for her Orihime turns it around revealing a low v-cut of the back. Matsumoto immediately turns to Nanao who was already sporting a deep blush. "You've agreed to wear that?" Her voice full of astonishment. She couldn't wait to see her oh so conservative friend sport that dress with her hair down and no glasses to hide her beautiful eyes. _

"_Yup," answered for Nanao. Pulling out the other dress, "Nanao-chan will be wearing the black one, I have the amber color, and you Ran-chan will be wearing this one."_

Nanao stopped what she was doing and stared at her friend, "It wasn't my idea. Orihime thought it would be cute for us."

Letting go of Nanao's hand Matsumoto steps closer to her and places her hands on her shoulder, "Nanao no one here knows who we are. Besides the mask is covering up most of your face. Stop worrying yourself. You look incredible." Matsumoto encouraging words were relaxing, "You're right Ran-chan."

"That's the spirit Nanao. We're here to have fun. So let's have FUN!" Matsumoto once again grabs onto Nanao's arm and drags her across the club to meet up with Orihime and Yoruichi. "Besides," Matsumoto begins to say over her shoulder, "Its not like Shu-kun is here to see you dressed like that. Can you imagine how he'd react?"

All the nervousness that Nanao had managed to quell shoot up through her body making her heart pound heavily against her chest. "Yeah imagine that," Nanao whispered to herself.

"You look like you could you use a drink, Nanao." Yoruichi teased while signaling the waitress down.

Nanao could only grin as her mind still reels from what Matsumoto said. While waiting for their drinks Nanao looks over for the railing. It was quite a scene. The music, which Orihime had told her earlier that it was techno, continued on with no signs of stopping. Lights flashed, peopled screamed their enthusiasm and danced for what seemed like hours, and women seemed to have flocked into an area just beneath were she stood.

She could make out there were three well dressed men lounging on the seats below. From what she could deduce they were dressed in black except for the different shirts they wore beneath the black vest. The one immediately below her was wearing a deep red shirt and a white tie which one of the women was currently tugging on. The one on the opposite end was, from the arm she could see, wearing a purple shirt. And the one in the middle, who seem to have the most women surrounding him, wore…._Pink_

~!~

The winter war was less harsh compared to what Hitsugaya was going through right now. The fifth time this evening he had to readjust his white tie. What was it with inebriated women grabbing at his tie anyway? Don't get him wrong he was actually loving all the attention he was getting from the women. But seriously need they pull at his clothes. He looked to his right for a little help but quickly realized he wasn't going to get any.

He needed another drink. Three empty champagne bottles littered the table in front of them. He tried to wave down the waiter but the amount of women gathered around them was making it impossible. Groaning Hitsugaya extracted himself and his tie from another woman and walked over to the bar. Finding a spot near the end of the bar Hitsugaya tried, with no success, to grab the bartenders attention. Leaning back against the wall he observed his two friends. A small smile lifting at the corner of his mouth. It was obvious Ukitake was having a blast soaking up all that female attention. His eyes wondered over to Shunsui. His eyes narrowed when some of the women that sat around him began to lose interest and an a bored expression marred their faces. Wonder what he was saying to them?

"Oh how I miss my Nanao-chan. I wonder what she's doing right now."

_Up above…._

Nanao's eyes grew wide with anger. The clenching of her jaw wasn't lost on Yoruichi as she watches irritation engulf Nanao's body. Glancing down Yoruichi's brow arched in amusement. 'Shunsui you are such a dead man,' she mused. She watched intently at the scene below and Nanao ready to jump over the railing to chase the women away. Yoruichi barely registered Orihime announcing the arrival of her other friends when she noticed that Hitsugaya leaving towards the bar.

After introductions Yoruichi excused herself saying that she'll be right back. Matsumoto taking Yoruichi's seat stared at her friend who had yet to turn from the railing.

"Nanao? Nanao??," No response. "Nana-chan," Matsumoto was sure that little nickname would have snapped Nanao from her stupor but it didn't. Getting up from her seat she tugged at her friends shoulder.

Nanao heard him laugh and couldn't take it anymore. She turned to Matsumoto, "Hey what's gotten into you?" Concerned over her friends hurtful expression. Shaking her head Nanao reassured that it was 'nothing.' Matsumoto glanced over the railing was surprised to see… "Hey isn't that Shu-kun and Jyuu-kun?"

Nanao hurriedly pulled her friend over to the table they were sharing with the rest of Orihime's friends. "It can't be them. Come on lets drink."

"Are you sure? I mean even with the mask I'd recognized those two anywhere."

"Trust me its not. Besides why would they be here, right?"

"Oye," Renji, Ikkau, and Yumichika waved at them as they made their way over to their table. Surprised to see some of her drinking buddies Matsumoto quickly forgot about the two men. "What are you guys doing here?"

Renji eyed Matsumoto's dress and grinned, "The old man gave us the week off. Wow Ran-chan you look hot in that dress."

Yumichika usually the smarter one of the bunch slapped Renji behind the head, "Such an ugly comment, Renji." Turning to Matsumoto, "You're looking as stunning as ever in that fiery little red number, Ran-chan." They all agreed along with all the other males in the room. Who haven't taken their eyes off of since the moment Matsumoto walked into the club.

"Yeah, yeah, so where's the sake already?" Ikkaku complained while fidgeting with the stupid mask he had to wear.

"Now this is a party," Matsumoto yelled.

Nanao could feel the impending headache coming on. 'This plan better work taicho.'

~!~


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Sorry for the long wait RL has been keeping me way to busy. Hope this was worth the wait. Enjoy!

~!~

Her predatory senses were honed towards the lone figure at the end of the bar. Smoothing down her dress and readjusting her mask Yoruichi made her way towards Hitsugaya. 'Poor guy won't know what hit'um,' a sly grin appearing on her face. "You look like a woman on a mission," someone whispered against her ear.

That voice sounded familiar. "Don't sound so jealous, Kisuke." She reaches up behind to stroke Uruhara's cheek, "Its all part of the plan." Just as she was about to walk away his strong arm wraps around her waist, pulling her against his body. "Just remember, kitten, to save a dance for me." With that said Uruhara disappeared into the crowd.

With a grace of a cat Yoruichi sauntered over to Hitsugaya but not before passing by Ukitake who was preoccupied with two women. She ran her fingers against his shoulder before caressing the side of his neck. A chill ran down Ukitake's spine when he felt Yoruichi's touch. He glanced up and was mesmerized by her beauty. Ukitake shifted uncomfortable in his seat.

'You still got it, Shihōin,' a satisfying smirk graces her lips.

Before encountering with Hitsugaya Yoruichi signals the bartender and orders a round of shots. While waiting she overhears Hitsugaya's conversation with the woman who was currently pressed up against him. She could tell from the look in his eyes he wasn't interested. "Tomiko was it?" he asked the aggressive woman who was trying to remove his tie, "Thank you for your offer but I'm really not that interested." He was trying to be polite but his patience was waning thin. Plus her overzealous come-ons was killing his buzz. Really did the woman not get it? No means no damn it.

Yoruichi could fell the slight chill in the room rise. "Brr, can someone check the AC." Someone yells in the background. Hitsugaya took a deep breath to rein in some of his reiatsu. Yoruichi spared a glance at the second floor and was all too happy to see Matsumoto's confused expression.

~!~

"Did you feel that?" Matsumoto lowers her drink while moving over to the rail to look out into the crowd. Was she going crazy? Would he actually be here? No, shaking her head. She had been informed by their third seat back at the squad that their taicho was off visiting his grandmother and Momo back in the Seiretie. But that didn't explain that small release of spiritual pressure she felt moments ago.

"Tsh, come on Ran why would Hitsugaya taicho be here? He's back home with Momo and their granny. Hitsugaya taicho wouldn't be caught dead (no pun intended) in a place like this." Yumichika and Nanao shared a surprised look at Renji. "Besides he wouldn't know what to do with himself. He'd probably get spooked by so many people and end up freezing the place." Renji started laughing.

"Well that didn't last long did it," Rolling his eyes Yumichika slapped the back of Renji's head…again.

"Hey stop doing that, Yumichika!" Renji yells as he moves away and heads towards Matsumoto. Clearing his throat he approaches her, "So Ran-chan wanna dance?"

She doesn't answer him.

"He has to be here. I'd recognized that reiatsu anywhere." Matsumoto mumbles to herself still unsure if she should believe Renji or the way her heart was fluttering against her chest.

_Every cloud in the sky  
Every place that I hide  
Tell me that I,  
I was wrong to let u go  
Every sounds that I hear  
Every thoughts that I feel  
Tell me that I,  
I was wrong I was wrong to let u go *Let U Go -ATB  
_

~!~

Yoruichi takes a few more minutes before confronting Hitsugaya.

The woman yanked at his tie until their faces were close enough that Hitsugaya could smell the strong odor of alcohol lacing her breath. "You'll regret turning me down, handsome." The woman huffed as she walks away.

"I doubt you'll lose any sleep over her." Elegant fingers grasp the end of his tie. 'Not another one,' he thought but as he looks at the woman he is instantly captivated by the exotic beauty before him. Although in his eyes no woman could compare to Matsumoto Rangiku's beauty. But Hitsugaya was still a normal male who knew how to appreciate the female form.

"Easy tiger don't go drooling all over my hand while I adjust your tie." Yoruichi teases as she unbuttons his vest. All the while Hitsugaya just stares at her. She smoothes the tie against his chest, silently admiring the hard muscle underneath, 'Who knew,' she thought. "There all done," she says after fastening the last button on his vest.

Yoruichi is taken aback as she looks up into the sheer intensity of Hitsugaya's teal colored stare. "I'm sorry I don't know your name."

Shaking herself from her stupor Yoruichi responds with, "You'll find out soon enough when the clock strikes twelve. That's when this," she reaches out to touch the corner of his mask, "Comes off." Her fingers run along the edge of the mask, inadvertently caressing part of his face not covered by it.

The corner of Hitsugaya's mouth curves into a grin. "A mystery." Without breaking eye contact Hitsugaya reaches for this mysterious woman's hand and brings it to his lips. "Hm, this could be interesting."

She narrows her eyes at Hitsugaya. 'Was Shunsui teaching the boy a few tricks?'

Freeing her hand from his and breaking contact Yoruichi walks over to the bar. She picks up the two shots she ordered previously and hands one to Hitsugaya.

"What's this?"

Without a second thought Yoruichi answers, "A blow job."

Hitsugaya nearly chokes, "Eh…excuse me?"

For a minute there she thought she may have lost her control of the situation while she drown in the pools of his eyes but had just as quickly regained it back. Yoruichi had to admit that Matsumoto was one lucky woman when the finally decides she wants Hitsugaya to herself.

"What's the matter tiger never had a blow job before?"

Usually a statement like that would have made Hitsugaya so red that he'd end up matching the color of his shirt. But he was older now, more mature, besides with all the teasing from Matsumoto throughout the years he'd become accustom to it. Besides he was feeling too good right now to feel embarrass. A nice side affect from drinking too much alcohol.

"That depends,"

"On?"

"If you're talking about this," he motions to the drink in his hand, "or something else."

"Does it matter?" Yoruichi was having fun with this new Hitsugaya. Her memories of him was always the stoic boy genius not this easy going man in front of her.

"Well I can honestly say," Hitsugaya takes the shot like a pro and returns his gaze to Yoruichi, "I've never had this shot before." A boost of confidence and a little cockiness was also a nice side affect too.

To say that she was surprised by his answers was an understatement. Yoruichi can't contain herself and starts laughing. There was definitely more to Hitsugaya Toushirou than meets the eyes. Matsumoto was one hell of a lucky woman indeed.

~!~

"Come on everyone lets go dance. It's almost midnight." Orihime happily insisted while dragging a protesting Ikkaku who than yanked Yumichika along.

Nanao looks over to Matsumoto, who was still trying to decipher the reiatsu she felt earlier.

"I'd recognize his reiatsu anywhere, Nanao. I can _feel _him, he is here."

If Matsumoto hadn't been looking elsewhere she would have seen the flash of panic in Nanao's eyes. Pulling at her arm Nanao calls out to her friend. "Rangiku?"

Reluctantly Matsumoto turns to her, "Perhaps your mind is just playing tricks on you."

Yanking her arm from Nanao's grip, "I'm not crazy Nanao! I know _my taicho_. And he's here."

Nanao grabbed onto Matsumoto's shoulders, "He's back home visiting family. Why would Hitsugaya taicho be caught here of all places? Hm?"

Nanao was grasping at straws. She had nothing else to say that would convince her friend otherwise. She could only hope that her steely gaze did not falter and belie the dread of being found out and their little plan her taicho had set up. She was silently praying to any god that would listen to please help her out with this.

"Come on Ran-chan. Let's boogey!" Renji's boisterous voice resonated through the thunderous beats of music and chatter.

Before Nanao could blink her confusion Matsumoto was swept away by Renji. Walking over to the table, Nanao downed the rest of her sake. 'Renji! I could kiss that tattooed forehead of yours!' Nanao quietly cheered while releasing a sigh of relief. Quickly she followed the bunch downstairs.

~!~

After taking her shot Yoruichi convinces Hitsugaya onto the dance floor. At first he protest but with a little bit more persuasion (just a couple more shots had done the trick) Hitsugaya finds himself being dragged along. Once on the floor he was stuck, clueless on what to do. Low and behold Hitsugaya Toushirou does not dance. Seeing his dilemma Yoruichi reaches for his hips and helps him swing his hips back and forth along with the music.

Shake me, move me  
_Baby__ now the head is on  
Shake me, move me  
I gonna get my beat back  
Gonna get my beat back *Shake - Elize_

Leave it up to a boy genius to quickly get the hang of dancing to the music. From the corner of her eye she could see Matsumoto and the rest of the gang climbing down the steps and heading towards the dance floor.

~!~

Nanao quickly spotted Yoruichi and Hitsugaya on the dance floor. Deliberately she leads everyone towards their direction. It had taken much coaxing from Matsumoto to convince Nanao to join them on the dance floor. She unconsciously raised her hand to push at her glasses but quickly remembered that she wasn't wearing them. It was a habit she developed when she'd get nervous. She was more than happy to stand to the side and quietly watched from a safe distance.

Unfortunately for her Matsumoto was not happy with it. She pulled at Nanao's arm, tugging it until they slowly made it inch, by inch towards the dance floor.

"I'm fine right here, Ran."

"We're supposed to be having fun remember?" Matsumoto whined.

Shaking her head, "Really Ran-chan I'm fine watching…." Her voice trails off when she spots her taicho. He was completely oblivious to the furious woman staring at him from across the room. Whether it was watching women flock towards him or the sound of his boisterous laughter had caused Nanao to snap.

Stopping in her tracks Nanao turns back from the dance floor. Matsumoto yells for her, "Nan-chan where are you going?"

With a determined stride she heads over to the bar, "Excuse me may I please have a pitcher of water."

Grabbing the water she heads over to where Shunsui was. 'I was so wrong about him. I was an idiot to even think he'd be serious.' She fumes as she walks up behind him. The pitcher of cold water was ready to descend upon this womanizing idiot. She was about ready to pour it over his head when she hears of them speaks, "I don't get you. All you've done is talk about this Nanao person. That's it I'm out of here." Several more women followed in suit.

"This Nanao person must mean a lot to you. I mean here you are with a bunch of gorgeous women throwing themselves at you and you haven't done anything. I mean seriously what is wrong with you? I think I choose the wrong guy to seduce. At least your other friends are enjoying themselves." Patting Shunsui's hand the last woman of the bunch leaves.

Shunsui gets up and yells out an apology. "I'm sorry ladies but I can't help that my Nanao-chan means everything to me."

He lets out a sigh and says without turning around, "My Nanao-chan has a lousy way of hiding her reiatsu. I do hope you weren't planning anything sinister with that pitcher in your hands."

Nanao was too astonished at what just had transpired that she remained frozen where she stood. Shunsui made his way over to her. First he took the pitcher from her and gave it to a passing waitress. Next he took off his mask, then hers. He ran his knuckles against her cheek, "My sweet Nanao-chan." There was that lazy smirk she found so adorable. Without another word Nanao grabs a fistful of his vest and yanks him down until their lips touch.

~!~

Flashing lights were going off and the song _Overload by Voodoo and Serano_ began to play in the background. It was midnight. Taking this as her signal Yoruichi puts the last of her plan in motion.

_I begin to get breathless  
And my heart keeps beating faster  
I know I just can't take this  
How much longer now?  
_

Leaning in she whispers into Hitsugaya's ear. "Close your eyes."

She waits till he closes them before taking off her mask then his. "Keep them closed tiger. You know what they say about curiosity killing the cat."

"What…" Before he could say anything else Yoruichi captures Hitsugaya's face between her hands and leans in to kiss him. The kiss was chaste at first but quickly heats up and Hitsugaya grabs onto Yoruichi's hips, pulling her closer this his body.

'Oh boy,' was all Yoruichi's could think about.

His heart was yelling at him for kissing this woman that wasn't Matsumoto. But in the heat of the moment Hitsugaya didn't care. For weeks he's been pining over a woman who will never be his.

_I'm getting ready  
I'm getting ready to explode  
Spark up the fire  
Light up the fuse I'm letting go  
_

The crowd was going crazy. Masks were flown into the air. Orihime giggled as she threw hers up. Her eyes began to scan the room when she spotted someone in the distance.

"Look its Yoruichi-san. Oh my is that…"

"Shit is that Hitsugaya taicho making out with Yoruichi-san!"

Yumichika was too stunned to slap Renji for his comment.

"No…" It wasn't true. Her eyes were deceiving her.

_I'm getting ready  
I'm getting ready to explode  
Don't hold me down now  
I'm just about to overload_

"Wow, never thought you had it in you Hitsugaya taicho." Yoruichi responds rather breathless.

With his eyes still closed Hitsugaya smiles, "It's good to know that I can surprise the infamous Shihōin Yoruichi ."

"You knew this whole time?"

With a shrug of his shoulder, "I wasn't called the boy genius for nothing, Shihōin-san."

Yoruichi laughed and shook her head, "I think you've earned enough respect from me to call me Yoruichi. By the way, if you knew this whole time why did you play along?"

_I begin to get breathless  
And my heart keeps beating faster  
I know I just can't take this  
How much longer now?_

Matsumoto pulled the mask from her face and stared unbelievably at what was happening. "This can't be happening." She mumbles to herself , "I've lost him for good." Unable to take it anymore Matsumoto runs out of the club.

"I mean no disrespect to you Yoruichi but for just a brief moment I wanted to forget."

"You're talking about what happened between you and Matsumoto?"

"I'm not surprised that you know. News travels fast doesn't it?" Hitsugaya looks away.

Yoruichi caresses his cheek and forces him to look at her. "I have a feeling everything is going to work out as planned."

"What are you talking about?" Just as the words left his lips he felt it.

Matsumoto's reiatsu.

He scans around the club but doesn't see her. To his surprise he does see Orihime, Renji, Ikkaku, and Yumichika staring wide-eyed at him. Angrily he excuses himself from Yoruichi and hunts down both Ukitake and Shunsui.

"That was quite a show, Yoruichi. Should I be worried that the young Hitsugaya Toushirou might have stolen your heart, hm." Uruhara comes up from behind and wraps his arms around Yoruichi. "Nothing to worry about. It was of course all part of the plan." Turning around Yoruichi wraps her arms around Uruhara's shoulders, "Now about that dance."

~!~

Ukitake and Shunsui both waited outside of the club for Hitsugaya. The moment he spotted them he didn't hold back. "You two planned this all along, didn't you?"

Both men looked guilty at each other then over to Hitsugaya. "Yes," they both said in unison.

The empty hallway was getting colder by the minute. Hitsugaya was at loss for words yet truly pissed off he wanted to scream. Calmly he asked them, "Why did you do it?"

Ukitake bravely walked over to Hitsugaya and placed his hands on the younger man's shoulder. "Because we care. We hated seeing you both in such pain over what happened."

Shaking his head he shrugged off Ukitake's hands, "Don't you two get it. It doesn't matter. I'm NOT GIN! She doesn't want me! She doesn't fucking love me!" He's already accepted that fact but it still didn't lessen the pain he was feeling. This was all so tiring.

"That's not true Hitsugaya taicho."

"Nanao-chan now is not the time…"

"No Shunsui this is the perfect time."

Nanao walks over to Hitsugaya, "She loves you."

Tired Hitsugaya shakes his head, "Nanao…"

"No you listen to me, taicho. Yes you are not Ichimaru Gin, I for one am grateful for that. You are a far better man the he ever was. You treat Rangiku with far more respect than Gin ever did. You won't leave her behind like he did. You won't break her heart like he did. You'll love her, cherish her they way she deserves to be treated. You, Hitsugaya Toushirou are the only one for her."

Hitsugaya was about to protest but Nanao raises her hand to halt whatever he was going to say.

"I know what you're going to say taicho but you have to understand Rangiku was scared. You were offering her everything she's ever wanted and she was afraid to accept that. I was there all those nights she cried over Gin. He left her broken. She was just terrified that if she had given you a chance and things didn't work out she'd be lost. Not only does she lose the man she loves but her best friend. So you have to understand taicho that Matsumoto Rangiku loves you with all her heart she's just…"

"I get it Nanao"

With resolve shining brightly in his eyes Hitsugaya heads towards the elevator.

"Toushirou-kun where are you going?" Shunsui calls out.

"Find the woman I love and kiss some sense into her."

Shunsui smiles watching Hitsugaya's retreating back. Turning to his wonderful fukutaicho,

"Come here my wonderful Nanao-chan. You deserve a kiss for what you did."

Normally Nanao would have hit him over the head with her fan for acting so silly but this evening has been going so great she didn't care when he pulled her into his arms and started kissing her in front of Ukitake.

"You two need to get a room," Ukitake snickers at the couple.

Just as he was turning around Ukitake bumps into the hostess from earlier. "Ah, Ukitake-san I do hope you aren't leaving so soon. I was just getting off my shift and I was hoping we could get a drink together."

Ukitake's brows rose with interest. "Please call me Jyuushirou."

~!~


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: I know its taken me way too long to update and I offer my humblest apologizes. The usual excuses fall into play... RL and the evil writer's block *shudders*. Well enough about that... on with the story. Enjoy =)

* * *

The screeching sound of metal chains rubbing against each other is gone. There is no force to continue the swing's momentum. The playground is empty...abandon. Its sole occupant has gone in search for refuge somewhere else. Along the way a mask falls from her listless fingers; making no sound as it hits the grassy ground. But she doesn't stop to pick it up. It's easily forgotten and too insignificant that it won't be missed.

_Insignificant_

Perhaps that is what Matsumoto has become in his eyes. What more could she expect with the way she broke his heart.

_But…_

Could it be that easy for him? To have effortlessly moved on (with Yoruichi of all people) while she remains trapped on this emotional plateau. It wasn't fair. Not when she finally knew what she wanted. Her dream had made it clear; dissipating the hazy fog that had clouded her vision. Helped her settle unresolved issues of her past. Giving her the chance to finally say goodbye to Gin. To close _**that**_ chapter of her life. In her dream she had chosen.

Hitsugaya Toushirou may not have been a part of her past, but he's certainly been there for her in the present and she knew deep into the depths of her soul that he was _her future_.

A future that was sadly slipping away.

Could she really blame him for this pain? His broken visage flashes within in her mind. Shaking her head, 'I have no one but myself to blame. I broke his heart. I compared him to Gin. Ran away like a coward. Made him doubt that he had no place in my heart. Pushing him away, pushing him into the arms of another woman. I have no right to feel angry or jealous. It just hurts so much.' Her inner ramblings were making her head hurt.

"Damn it Rangiku what did you get yourself into?"

Matsumoto came to a stop realizing that she had wondered into some wooded area of the park. Luckily for her there was a bench located near a large tree. The heavy foliage gave the area a nice little barrier from the chilly winds and the tops of the trees blocked out most of the moonlight. It looked so inviting. She was exhausted both physically and emotionally. All she wanted to do was sleep. To sleep away the fatigue, the memory, the heartache.

She tossed her shoes aside not caring where they landed. Climbed onto the cold and hard wooded bench and tried to get comfortable. It was no comfy couch, unlike the one in her office, or the warm futon at Orihime's place but it would do. Because really there was no other place where she wanted to be right now. Going back to the club was definitely out of the question and she didn't want to be bombarded with questions from her friends who would no doubt be waiting for her at Orihime's apartment. For now she just wanted to be alone.

Alone with her thoughts and dreams of Hitsugaya Toushirou.

~!~

Hitsugaya was moving so fast that the city around him blurred into strings of light. "Damn it woman where did you go," he growled while stopping in mid-air. Her reiatsu had been so strong when he first left the club; making it easy to track her. Now it was barely faint. He was growing anxious and he didn't like this feeling. He knew from past experience that if Matsumoto Rangiku did not want to be found she could easily disappear for hours, days, even weeks if she really wanted to.

'No,' he thought. He was a fool to have let her slip away the first time but he'd be damned if he let her go again."Not this time, Rangiku." he declared aloud. Hitsugaya was not going to let anything come in their way. Not her fears, his stupidity, nor the memories of Gin.

Closing his eyes Hitsugaya focuses his energy on finding her. Although her reiatsu was faint it was there lingering in the air. It was taunting his senses, daring him to come find her.

'Breathe,' he tells himself, 'Focus.'

Inhale….

Exhale….

Inhale…

As he exhales Hitsugaya opens his eyes. The bustling existence of the city below hushed to a muted stillness and the surrounding world grew colorless. If he couldn't feel her reiatsu than he'll just have to search for her reiraku, her spiritual aura, instead. He flew through the skies while his eyes scan every possible corner. Just when he thought he was getting nowhere his silent wish is granted as he spots something red in the distance. The moment his feet touches down Hitsugaya quickly reaches out to grab onto the red spirit ribbon that no doubt belongs to a shinigami but was it hers? He handles the ribbon with a delicate caress. His heart begins to flutter uncontrollably. It was definitely her spiritual energy flowing evenly through the red ribbon.

Without letting go he follows the crimson path laid out by the ribbon. Hitsugaya exhales a sigh of relief as he finds her asleep on the bench. His vision returns to normal and the rest of the world continues on with life. A ray of moonlight peeks through the trees, casting upon her it's radiant glow. Matsumoto Rangiku was a goddess in every sense of the word.

Seeing her again only reaffirms just how much he's fallen in love with this woman.. Thoughts of losing her made his chest constrict. Shaking his head Hitsugaya was determined to salvage their professional relationship. To repair their friendship. But most importantly he was going to do what ever it took to win over her love. A smile played across his lips. Like he said to Jyuushirou and Shunsui 'I'll kiss some sense into her.'

Hitsugaya was brought back from his musing when her heard Matsumoto whimper in her sleep. Quickly he rushes to kneel down besides her. Reaching out to brush aside a stray lock from her face.

Déjà vu.

Ironic how they found themselves in almost the exact same scenario as before. Hitsugaya steels his emotions against any possible outcome. He wasn't going to run this time. Gently he runs the back of his fingers against her cheek.

A small sob escapes her lips in response to his touch.

"What are you dreaming about this time?"

~!~

"_Why?" Matsumoto cries out. Her heart pounding against her chest as a shadowed figure materializes behind him. She can't see the person's face but it doesn't take much to figure out it was a woman holding onto Hitsugaya. _

"_You can't blame me, Rangiku. You didn't want me, remember?" He mocks her with a sly smile. Turning his back to her Hitsugaya embraces this mysterious figure. This faceless woman who was receiving his kisses, his gentle touches, his whispered declaration of love. This woman who was taking her place in Hitsugaya's heart. It ached to watch him like this knowing that it was supposed to be her. She couldn't take it any more. Closing her eyes Matsumoto turns her head away. _

"_What did you expect, Matsumoto? Did you honestly think that he would wait forever for… you?" _

_The woman's voice is daunting ."You don't deserve a man like Toushirou. He needs a woman who knows what she wants. Not some coward who runs in fear and clings to the past." _

_Her body trembles with suppressed anger. Her hands curling into fists as they lay against her sides. Matsumoto could feel this woman hovering around her. Her taunting voice filling the air. "You will never have him as long as I'm around, Matsumoto Rangiku. I am the woman who you are too afraid to become. I am the woman he will give his mind, his body, and his soul to."_

_Opening her eyes Matsumoto turns to see Hitsugaya being led away by this shadowed specter. "No," she whispers before rushing towards him. She grabs his arm, yanking him back towards her. _

"_Toushirou don't go," she pleas, eyes brimming with tears. _

"_I was already yours but you let me go, Rangiku. Its too late."_

_It broke her heart hearing those words coming from his lips._

"_I don't love you anymore, Rangiku." She stares at him as if he had just struck her across the face._

"_No," shaking her head in denial, "I don't believe you."_

_Hitsugaya turns to leave again but Matsumoto refuses to let him go. He tries to pry her fingers from his arm but her hold is unyielding. A defeated sigh escapes his lips, "Just let me go, Matsumoto." _

"_No," she states adamantly, "I won't." _

_He groans in frustration as he grabs into her shoulders. His intense stare belies the frailty of his voice as he asks, "Why?"_

"_Because -"_

_Her hand is trembling as she reaches up to caress his cheek. A shaky smile stretches across her lips. _

" _- I love you, Toushirou."_

~!~

Something was different. Not that the bed she was laying on wasn't enough of a clue. How did she get here? Where the hell is _here_? Upon opening her eyes Matsumoto was greeted with darkness. She couldn't make much of the room since it was so dark. As she sat up in bed she was happily relived that she was still dressed. Because really waking up in a strange room was bad enough but to find yourself naked in a strange room with no recollection of how you got there in the first place was down right horrifying.

"Okay Rangiku think. What's the last thing you remember?"

Her overwrought mind decides to flash her an image of Hitsugaya kissing Yoruichi. "No, we are not going there." She tells herself. "First let's figure what's going on. Then we'll throw a pity party for myself later."

As she sits in bed her mind begins to recall the events after leaving the club. The very last thing she remembers was falling asleep on a bench in the park. "Did I sleepwalk all the way..." she looks around but since it was dark she couldn't really make anything of it besides the lavish size of the room, "...here?"

Having only stayed at Orihime's place while visiting the real world and never remembering staying in a place like this Matsumoto quickly dismisses the idea.

"Had I been that exhausted that some stranger managed to carry me off from the park to this place?" That was a possibility. Recalling the numerous of times she has gotten into a drunken stupor and found herself in the most unusual of places. "Well the perv had another thing coming if he actually thought that he'd get lucky tonight."

Though she loathed to leave the comforts of the bed and its warm surroundings she really needed to figure things out. Throwing the covers from her body Matsumoto swings her legs over the edge of the bed and nearly purrs when her bare feet sinks into the plush carpet. After another minute of indulging in the comforts of the room Matsumoto gets up from the bed. She nearly trips as she stumbles over something at the foot of the bed. Reaching down she is stunned to find that it was her shoes she had careless thrown aside at the park. Matsumoto was confused at the gesture. 'She barely remembers where she had toss them. What pervert kidnaps an unconscious person from the park then takes the time to search for their shoes?'

Her shoes wasn't the only think that had caught her eye. Atop the chaise lounge, which was situated at the foot of the bed, were clothes. Normally it wouldn't have been such a big deal but she drops her shoes and reaches out to grab the clothes. "It can't be," she mutters to herself. Even in the darkness she could still make out the silly patterns of chibi cats and dragons curled around each other in slumber.

Matsumoto wasn't sure if she wanted to laugh or cry that her _taicho_ had actually kept the gag gift she had gotten for him so long ago.

_She had been on one of many shopping sprees here in the living world. While walking around the store Matsumoto had the sudden urge to check out the sleepwear department. She still didn't know what pulled her there but she began to look around. It had been so obscure at first. A piece of it barely sticking out, surrounded by other pajamas that had been haphazardly thrown onto the clothes rack. Matsumoto dug through until she was finally able to pull it out._

"_Perfect," Matsumoto giggled while admiring the design on the pajamas._

_She was disappointed that the size was way too big for her **lil taicho** and worst it was obviously the last one. But that didn't stop her from buying it for Hitsugaya. _

She still remembers the expression on his face when she gave it to him...

_Hitsugaya was rapidly turning red from both extreme anger and embarrassment. The damnable woman had forced the top half of the pajama over Hitsugaya's head and at the same time explaining,"Sorry taicho but you're just too small to wear the pajama bottoms just yet. Don't worry I'm sure in a few years my cute lil taicho will grow enough to wear the big boy pants." By that point he was beyond livid. Unfortunately his arms were trapped within the pajama top to reach out and choke her neck. He looked like a five year old playing dress up in his father's clothes._

"_Aww taicho you look sooo cute!" She cooed._

"_MATSUMOTOOOO!" He yelled as he struggled to get out while his pesky fukutaicho ran away. The the sound of her laughter lingering in the air. _

She had been sure that Hitsugaya would have thrown it away or at the very least burn it. She hugs the material to her chest cherishing the idea that he had kept it after all this time. After slipping the shirt on Matsumoto suppresses the urge to laugh aloud. The pajama top was still too big even on her. The sleeves were too long and the bottom of the shirt stopped just below her knees.

Matsumoto doesn't bother to button the shirt nor roll the sleeves up. Instead she clutches the opening of the shirt with one hand while the other reaches up for the collar. Matsumoto closes her eyes as she buries her nose into _his _shirt, inhaling _his _scent. A single tear trails down along her cheek until its absorbed into the fabric. She pulls the shirt closer; her body snuggling into the soft material. For a brief moment she lets her mind imagine. The shirt disappears in its wake is something far better. _Her taicho_ is there holding her. His arms are strong, steely and for that brief moment Matsumoto cherishes how safe she feels within his embrace.

Matsumoto opens her eyes and is quickly brought back to reality. She's alone in a strange room wrapped around Hitsugaya's pajama top. "Damn it," she curses, "What the hell is the matter with you?" Matsumoto mutters as she paces the room. "Since when have you become that... that," she was trying to find the right words. "THAT woman!" Unfortunately it was all she could come up with.

Matsumoto yanks the shirt from her body. Holding the shirt up as if she has Hitsugaya himselft standing before her, fists gripping tightly at the collar. "I am not some meek, wimpering, docile woman who cries over a man!" With each word she pulls at the shirt, imagining that it was Hitsguaya she was violently shaking. "I am not MOMO!" Which Matsumoto quickly apologizes under her breath to the former fifth division fukutaicho. It wasn't as if she had anything against Momo. On the contrary she had much respect for the woman...at least nowadays. The post-Aizen days that is.

At first Matsumoto never quite understood Momo's obsession with her taicho. But as she stands there alone in an empty room arguing with a piece of clothing she finally understands. Like Momo, Matsumoto had fallen into an endless abyss that was surrounded by their taicho. Making them uncharacteristically insane. Yet, unlike Momo this desire, this passionate obession isn't unrequited. Matsumoto knew what her taicho wanted.

_Where do I stand in your life, Rangiku?_

She recalls the way his voice wavered with nervousness. The way his body stood tense with apprehension. But the way his eyes pleaded with hers to give him the answer he'd been seeking for so long is what she remembers the most. It was like watching the sea raging against the onslaught of a storm. Matsumoto would never forget the painful look he gave her when she rejected him. She had been a coward then. Too scared, too afraid to face her fears. She ran, ran as fast and as far as she could.

"No," she spoke aloud. What is wrong with her? She was done running. Done with being a coward. This...this _behaviour_ was unbecoming of her. Matsumoto Rangiku was no quitter. Never had she backed down from anything. Gin may have found her that day but it was _her _will to survive that kept her alive, that kept her going. She'd be damned if she let herself fall into some dismal purgartory because she was afraid of letting the past go and having her heart broken again. Hitsugaya Toushirou meant more to her than Gin every did.

A radiant tenacity shines within Matsumoto's eyes as a feral smile appears upon her face. The shirt slips from her fingers, pooling at her feet. It was about time she took what she wanted and give her_ taicho_ a permenant place in her heart. Stepping over the material she heads for the door.

And it was about damn time too...

~!~

The soft chords of music coming from the radio inside the living room wafted through the sliding door. Hitsugaya was out on the balcony; a bottle of sake swinging absently between his fingers. Its raining again yet he fails to notice. Its been two hours now since his return to the hotel. Two hours since leaving Matsumoto asleep in his room. Two exasperating hours and the wait was driving _him_ mad. Within that time Hitsugaya has been struggling with himself. A part of him wants to march back into that room and wake her up. To finally claim a place in her heart and convince her to give them a chance. The other part, which has him standing outside in the cold, refuses to cave into his irrational side.

It was fifteen minutes past the hour as the grandfather clock inside chimes loudly in the empty room. Hitsugaya has spent the last hour methodically conjuring up possible scenarios of his imminent _talk_ with Matsumoto; none of which ended pleasantly. After taking a healthy swig of sake Hitsugaya looks out into the city. Its view is unclear due to the darkness of the night and rain. Much like his ambiguous relationship with his fukutaicho.

"Forget about going mad, Toushirou," he mutters to himself. This kaleidoscope of emotions was surely going to turn him insane. Its time to go back in. He takes another long sip from the bottle before turning away from the obscured landscape.

That's when, from the corner of his eyes, he caught sight of something red. His body stood rigid with shock. _She_ was finally awake. "I never thought I'd see the day Hitsugaya taicho drinking sake." Matsumoto Rangiku, the woman of his dreams and the bearer of his heart, was standing before him. He had been pining away the very seconds for this moment and now that it was here he was unsure of what to do. Well that wasn't totally true. It took all of his collective control not to close the remaining gap between them and pin her to the wall.

They stand at a respectable distance as the awkwardness of the situation befalls between them. Breaking the tension Hitsugaya offers the bottle of sake to Matsumoto in a wordless gesture. She shakes her head. A white brow lifts in wonder, "Never thought I'd see the day _my_ fukutaicho declines sake." She shrugs with a tiny quirk of a smile for a reply.

It was fascinating watching Hitsugaya down the remaining sake without so much as a grim expression towards the unique taste. Her comment my have been in jest but now standing there watching him she realizes something. He places the empty bottle near a table; stuffing his hands into his pockets as he turns to find Matsumoto starting at him. There was a seriousness in her eyes that Hitsugaya has only seen displayed while on the battlefield.

"Something on your mind?" His deep voice pulls her from her little stupor.

"I have a lot of things on my mind," she whispers, "Taicho." Her heart begins to flutter within her chest as she watches him move. There's confidence in his stride; no hesitancy within his movements. She's seen this side of him many times before while fighting but never like this. Never this...intimate. He was closer now. Warmth radiating from his body and the sweet smell of sake on his breath was making Matsumoto faint. The proximity of his body and the intensity of his gaze was like being caught under a snake charmer's trance. It was truly unfair that he had this affect on her.

Hitsugaya wasn't fairing any better than Matsumoto. Nerves were wrecking havoc on his body. His heart, which he swears can be heard, was thumping wildly against his chest. Even with the chilly night air and the fact that he, weilder of the most powerful ice based zanpakuto, was feeling hot. Which wasn't the effect caused by the alcohol he's been consuming. No it was a safe bet that it was because of this woman standing before him. 'Its unfair the affect she has on me.'

A gust of wind blew across the balcony making Matsumoto shiver against the cold. "We should go inside." Hitsugaya begins to say but Matsumoto simply shakes her head, "No its okay." Her vain attempts to ward of the cold and the little quakes coursing through her body doesn't go unnoticed by Hitsugaya. "Its too cold out here Matsumoto." Again she refuses. She couldn't very well explain that being in an enclosed room with him was a bit disarming. No she needed the open air; her nerves were more at ease out here regardless at how cold it was getting. Hitsugaya sighed, "Fine. I'll be right back."

"Stubborn woman," he mutters under his breath as he walks back into the room. Matsumoto couldn't help the tiny smile forming on her lips. Clearly she had heard him. The moment he disappears inside Matsumoto lets out a sigh of relief. Grateful for the small respite Matsumoto walks over to the railing and takes a deep, cleansing breath.

The soft melodic tunes coming from inside and the enchanting tapping of rain lulled Matsumoto into a light daze. "Here," Hitsugaya's voice pulled her back from her slight reverie. Looking over her shoulder she notices the familiar pajama top she had left on his bedroom floor. After helping her put it on Hitsugaya moves to stand besides her; leaning his arms against the railing. "I can't believe you kept it all this time, taicho." She said while busying herself with buttoning the shirt.

Without looking at her Hitsugaya responds "You it bought for me, Matsumoto. Of course I'd keep it. I've kept everything you ever given me."

Matsumoto's head shoot up. "Really?"

"Mm hm,"

"Why?"

His tone is a cross between amusement and disbelief that she would ask such a question. "Because you gave them to me." 'Silly woman,' but he kept that to himself.

Matsumoto doesn't look at him, "After everything I've done...The way I've treated you...hurt you." Swallowing the the lump in her throat, "I'd figured you'd get rid of anything that would remind you of...me."

Hitsugaya moves closer but keeps a level amount of space between them uncertain if the proximity was wanted. "As inane as some of the stuff were." That warranted a small giggle to escape from her lips, "I couldn't bear to throw them away."

"Why?" Her voice is small and unsure.

"Because," this time grabbing onto your shoulders and forcing her to face him. Her head still remains lowered. Hitsugaya reaches down beneath her chin; slowly he lifts her face until finally her eyes is locked with his. "Because with every _gift,_" He wipes away a tear, "You thought of _me_."

At that moment the solidity of love she has for this man has been cemented permanently into her heart. And as much as Matsumoto wanted to throw her arms around his neck and kiss the life out of him. She was still riddled with doubts.

"_I don't love you anymore, Rangiku."_

Words from her nightmare came back to mock her.

"_I am the woman who you are too afraid to become. I am the woman he will give his mind, his body, and his soul to."_

A face began to form on the shadowed figure that had claimed her taicho in that damnable nightmare.

"_You will never have him as long as I'm around, Matsumoto Rangiku."_

Matsumoto looked sadly into his eyes, "What about Yoruichi?"

"Yoruichi?" Hitsugaya frowns then it eases as he understands her meaning. But instead of explaining that it was nothing he said a name that held more significance in their somewhat complex relationship.

Letting her go Hitsugaya takes a step back and said, "What about Gin?"


End file.
